Wednesday

Something happened at work today, and it was something that shook me to the very core. I won't go into details, but I was afraid in a way that I am not often afraid. Basically, it led to much of my day being spent filling out paperwork and crying in front of people I don't know. I'm not trying to sound dramatic, I promise, its just not something I feel I should detail on the internet.

As a result, I am scared. Scared to live alone, scared to be at work, scared to do the things in life that I normally do. I never realized before today how completely free I feel most of the time, and how unafraid I am during my daily life. I go running in the dark without a second thought, I leave my door unlocked, and I do things that I probably shouldn't just because I live in a small town and don't think anything can happen.

Today I learned that despite what I may often think, I am probably not immortal. Nothing truly horrible happened, I was just placed in a situation where I felt extremely unsafe and it left me shaking and in tears. Of course, I tried to downplay it, telling people I was fine and making jokes about how I lived in a trailer park so I can handle way worse than this.

Except now I'm afraid of what might happen. I am worried about going for a run by myself, out in the wide open countryside where anything could happen to me. I'm terrified of what I would do if I'm placed in the same situation again--because let's face it, I'm 5'2" and probably couldn't do damage to someone if I tried. I'm feisty, but I doubt I could hold my own against a grown man.

That scares me. I'm not sure what to do about any of this. For the first time I regret that I live alone, or that I don't have anyone to make me feel safe. I honestly never thought that would happen.

So that was my Wednesday, how was yours?