Jumbled

My prize-fighting ninja skills were supposed to be the topic of my post today, but sadly I forgot my camera cord at my parent's house and that's not a story that can be told without photographic evidence. I'll leave it at that, and let you all wonder until Monday when I can upload the photos at work. You're curious, aren't you?

I've been typing and deleting for quite awhile now, trying to think of what I feel like posting about today, but all I'm coming up with is a jumble of thoughts because that is exactly how my mind is right now. So many things are making me think lately, and so many things happened on my vacation that are causing me anxiety for some reason. I try to provide a sense of stability and support for many people in my life, and yet I find that I can't bring myself to trust people to be there for me in the same way. In my mind, people either leave you or they disappoint you. Clearly, I have issues.

Perhaps the reason my mind is so mixed up is that I've been spending my evening reading through a package of letters that a friend's mom gave me while I was in town. This friend was one of my closest friends since middle school, and went missing at sea about a year and a half ago. (Due to this and to the death of one of my best friends from college, I now have a rule that no one else can die before me). The letters are from high school and college, and there are some from me and some that she wrote to me... they're pretty funny, and have actually been making me laugh because we were so silly. I was so carefree before things like employment and having to pay bills and such.

So, basically, I'm having a hard time right now for some reason. I tend to deal with many difficult things by internalizing them, but that obviously isn't working for me (nor is it healthy). And yet I can't bring myself to call someone and say, "I'm bummed out, kindly cheer me up. Also, don't leave me or get hit by a bus or anything." Telling the blog world seemed like a good alternative. Hey guess what, blog readers, sometimes life sucks and isn't fair and it kind of bums me out. And that is why I have a blog--that way I can write about whatever the hell I feel like and it makes me feel better even if no one reads it. Really, I probably just need a good night's sleep and I'll be much cheerier... being a ninja kept me out too late last night.

Oh by the way, my vacation was 98 percent lovely. And I learned that you can bruise the bottom of your foot. Don't try it though, as it really hurts. Happy Saturday!