Seven guilty pleasures

I'm kind of a stereotypical girl when it comes to some things, and I really wish that were different. I love trashy magazines, getting my nails done, eating cheesecake with my three roommates... wait, that's "The Golden Girls." I love them too. I wish I were one of those women who watched the nature channel and cured world hunger or something, but sometimes I catch a random episode of The Real World instead and feel myself feeling terribly guilty. Quite often I fail at being exceptionally worldly and intelligent, and for that I feel I should apologize to my fellow women. It is no secret that certain things in life are bad influences—whether it be in terms of health, mental stability or something else. I was thinking today about all the things I enjoy that are terrible for me, and have compiled the following list. Below are the things I should remove from my life, but in most cases probably won’t:

1. Diet soda: I’ve tried to break the habit, really I have, and I even succeeded for several months. Slowly but surely, the addictive carbonated goodness has made its way back into my life—that is, until a friend was telling me about how it has arsenic in it, and I learned that artificial sweeteners are essentially bleached sugar. Gross. This one is going to be crossed off my list ASAP.

2. Television: I mentioned that my sister told me that you burn more calories sleeping than you do while watching television. Conveniently, I also love sleeping. Television shows with which I am currently obsessed include: Lost, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Friday Night Lights, Chuck, Bones, The Office, Kath and Kim, and Psych. That is ten, and wow I thought it would be less. Perhaps I should cut my list down a bit? Maybe I’ll take up smart people activities like reading. It still counts as reading if I have the television on in the background, right? At least I can always rationalize it by working out while watching tv—now that’s multitasking at its best.

3. Cheesy reality shows: I may not watch them regularly as I do the forementioned television shows, but cheesy reality television has a fond place in my heart sometimes. That’s right, “The Bachelor,” I’m looking at you. Have you ever watched the reality shows on Vh1? Hilarious. I’m pretty sure my brain is rotting just thinking about them.

4. Damaging hair styling products and/or makeup: A girl does come to love her curling iron and ceramic flat iron. I have a feeling my hair would be much happier if I didn’t have such affection for such items. Also, I have a “makeup drawer” full of products I rarely use, but for some reason still have cluttering up space. But hey, at least I look good.

5. Two well-known men named Ben and Jerry: This relationship began during my freshman year in college. We broke up several years later, but sometimes I cheat on my current love (herbal tea) and have a passionate fling with the fellows. I’m not proud of it. Luckily herbal tea takes me back every time. Ben and Jerry just make me feel dirty, those cads.

6. Shopping: My bank account would love me more if I didn’t have such love for shopping. I can remedy this situation by becoming a millionaire, so my plan is to work on making that scenario become a reality. Of course, to become a millionaire I’d probably have to save money and not shop, so really it is just a vicious cycle.

7. Fitness gadgetry: This includes buying new workout attire, and I suppose could fall under the shopping category except I feel it deserves its own category. Most of the gadgets I buy are totally useful, and I certainly have used every bit of workout wear that I’ve purchased, but sometimes my love for new gadgets leads to weird impulse purchases. For instance, why buy a jump rope when you have crazy low ceilings? I never figured that one out. At least it only cost $3—and my love of new gadgets or workout clothing typically does lead to me working out more. Hey, bribery works for me!

So there we have it. Clearly this list needs some work, but everyone needs a few guilty pleasures, right? I dare you to name a more interesting list! Did I mention that today is National Pie Day?