5 months later

I forgot I had a blog for 5 months. Meh, it happens.

Things that have happened in the past 5 months:
1. I gained 3,000,000 pounds (or what feels like it), leading me to begin seeing a naturopath, so that I could say, "Dude, what the heck?" and decide that my hippie-ish parents have more of an affect on me than I thought due to my inclination to see a naturopath when my doctor wants to put me on all kinds of pills. I don't want to take all kinds of pills, I just want to not feel like crap all the time, is that so much to ask? Can't herbs do that, or naps, or something?

2. Found out my thryoid is whack (I hate you, thyroid) and considered selling it on craigslist. Began taking medicine so said thyroid would behave. Considered hugging my naturopath, cause she kicks ass, but decided that would be weird.

3. Found out I am allergic to everything worth eating (wheat, eggs, whey... lima beans). Wondered how a person even becomes allergic to lima beans, and how weird I have to be to be allergic to lima beans.

4. Quit eating forementioned items of deliciousness, and discovered that I can now breathe, digestive problems are no longer, and I am not really supposed to constantly be tired and crazy. Thank you, food allergy test. Decided as a result that food allergies aren't really that bad...but I will still miss beer.

5. Started running again, seeing as how I can breathe now, and discovered it's a lot easier when there is a consistent oxygen flow. Felt as though I am starting over, but at least I'm starting, right?

6. Began a "bootcamp" with my neighbor, but since we're poor and don't want to spend craptons of money, formed our own bootcamp in our courtyard. Cars like to honk at us, cause we live on a busy road. Oh well.

7. Went fishing, caught 5 fish, but only got one actually out of the water and safely in my freezer. Fish are tricky.

8. Rode my bike to work and successfully navigated two roundabouts without dying. I have grand plans of riding my bike to work during warmer months, but am rather terrified of cars running over me.

That's about it.

September

I had the following goals in August:
1. Run a 5k in approximately 2 weeks, after convincing my running buddy to join me. For funsies.
2. Run Hood to Coast on August 27 & August 28. 19 miles in 2 days. Do not die while completing said goal, and try not to run 15 minute miles due to lung failure.
3. Bounce back. I don't like being in the depths of despair.
4. Purchase a kickass running skirt. Again, for funsies.
5. Kick butt during the last two months of the Biggest Loser contest with Shawna & co.
6. Feel like myself again.

And the results...
1. Did it. Didn't suck too badly.
2. Did it. Sucked a little, but oh well.
3. Meh. Other stuff happened to add on top of everything else, so I feel like this might take awhile.
4. I forgot about this one, actually.
5. We quit our competition, cause it made us feel like crap about ourselves. I'm okay with it.
6. Again, meh.

So... September is here. I shall attempt the following:
1. Run. Just run. When I want to, where I want to, at my pace. Get back to being the person that I was before, who would run for stress relief and didn't care what other people thought about her pace or ability.

2. Financial plan--get one. People in their late 20's should be more financially responsible than I am.

3. Get healthy. I don't care how much I weigh, I just don't feel right at the moment. Eat better, drink water, limit post-breakup cocktails.

4. Brush my hair at least once a week. The curly look is okay, but I feel like I should look more professional and less like I'm an airhead who doesn't own a hairbrush.

5. Do not cry on my birthday. Repeat: Do. Not. Cry. I am not really having an easy time, and I cry a lot, and I just feel like that's a day that I should not be sad.

Late 20's?

In 26 days I will turn 26.

...

This is not how I envisioned my life would be at the age of 26.

When I was much younger, I thought I would be an architect, married, and have children at this age (I had just seen "Father of the Bride" and thought she totally had the right idea).

A few years ago, I thought I would be a hard-hitting journalist with an amazing career and probably have a super handsome boyfriend who adored me, and would most likely win awards all the time and be awesome.

Last year, I was dating the guy I thought I would marry, and felt like my life had finally turned around after the disasterous events from the year prior. I was in the best shape of my life, and set to run a marathon the following weekend. I really felt like I knew where my life was going, and I was happy with the direction it was headed.

So, here I am... late 20's quickly approaching. I am single, and exceptionally broken hearted, but I know I can live life on my own because I am good at taking care of myself. I have had events in recent days come close to hurting my spirit, but I am trying not to let them. I have a career, and I am very happy with it, even though it is something I never saw myself doing. I feel like I make a difference in people's lives, even though mine is sort of turned upside down at this point. I have my running shoes, and still plan to lace them up and hit the pavement in attempt to figure some things out. Someday, life will make sense.

This isn't how I pictured it.

Frosting.

So, yeah. Things have been happening. I didn't think it was possible to be hurting more than I already was, but then some stuff happened, and I said to myself, "Self, your life is ridiculous sometimes."

I'll handle it. I'm pretty good at handling ridiculousness.

Anyway, that leads to my lack of posting lately. I started taking yoga at this place near my house, and discovered that I am hilarious when attempting to bend in ways that my body does not want to bend. The instructor doesn't seem to find it as funny, but I like her because she constantly makes me try different poses even when I'm scared. I'm doing a trial membership right now, and plan to take advantage of trial memberships all over town to see which yoga studio I like best. I think it might be a good thing to pursue when it's cold and snowing outside.

I ran a local 5K, and while it wasn't my best time ever, it also wasn't my worst. I was proud of myself because I sprinted the last little bit and passed a couple people. I did the best that I could, and that makes me happy.

Hood to Coast = ridiculous. If only I felt like publicizing to the Internet the goings on of my life, you would probably all say to me that I'm silly for running Hood to Coast when I had so much going on, but it was a really good distraction. I spent two days locked in a van (with some close friends, but also some strangers). I ran 17 miles in less than 24 hours. I slept in a field because that's what people do... It was an odd 197 miles. Kind of like what I imagine Woodstock was like, but with a bunch of crazy runners instead of drugs, nudity, and music. So really not like Woodstock at all.

My favorite leg was the middle leg. The first one was hot, flat, and boring for 6 miles. The last leg was hot, hilly, and sucked cause I was exhausted and was ready to be done. The middle leg was 7 miles, and I ran them at 3 a.m. through the middle of a pitch black forest. Particularly creepy because all that I had was a head lamp, reflective vest, and flashy lights on either side and at times I was the only person on the road and no vans were passing by. I also tripped in a pothole, nearly fell off the road into the ditch, and was very close to being hit by a car which I suspect was being driven by a drunk driver. Luckily I am excellent at regaining my balance due to my habit of falling down a lot. Also, a handsome man grabbed me out of the way of the drunk driver (if you're reading this, cute guy that runs faster than me, you should call me. We could go out to dinner and not get hit by cars together. Sounds magical, right?) and I did not die.

Some photo goodness:





Hood to Coast people have this habit of calling people "roadkill" when they pass them, and keeping track of their "roadkill count" and let me just tell you... I was roadkill a lot. Those Hood to Coast people don't mess around. We're talking 7 minute miles. On my middle of the night leg, there was a clearing where people were gathered to cheer on their teams, and when I arrived at that point the teams started chanting, "Kill her! Kill her!" as the girl behind me was trying to pass me. I totally hauled ass and avoided her... until we got past the clearing and no one could see us. Holy hell, she was fast.

So, yes, I did not die. Also, recently Shawna and I went on a road trip to Tour de Fat in Boise and I went out in public looking like this:



Luckily it was a drunken bicycle parade, so people didn't really care. And yes, I rode a bicycle wearing that. What?

For some reason, when I am as down as I have been the past couple days, baking makes me feel better. So yesterday I made gingerbread cupcakes with buttercream frosting and tiny gingerbread men on top. I didn't really want to eat them, I just wanted to make something. And frosting makes me happy, in all it's fluffy glory.

I'm pretty convinced that all of life's problems can be solved with frosting.

Suck.

I fail. I am so not handling this well. I have eye bags bigger than my eyes cause I cry all the time, sometimes in secret so people won't judge me for crying so much.

Tomorrow I'm running a 5k, and it will probably be my slowest 5k ever, but I figure at least it will be a good distraction, right?

Details to follow.

Random Thursday Thoughts

I just feel a need to say that I love when I get anonymous comments where people tell me I'm funny and like they my blog. It's way better than mean anonymous comments. Whoever you are, anonymous nice person, you rock! Quite frequently I think no one reads this blog (except Becky... and my sisters) and that I'm the only one that finds myself hilarious. So I'm glad that at least one other person thinks I'm moderately entertaining.

I am going camping this weekend, for several days, with a bunch of girls that grew up together and let me come to their reunions cause they adopted me. The lake we are going to was very recently under a toxic algae warning, but that has been lifted--hurray! Still not putting my face under water though. Toxic algae just seems like something that doesn't go away that easily.

Last night I was telling my neighbor ghost stories from my old apartment building, and I scared myself.

On August 19 I am running a 5k, mostly just cause it seemed like a good idea and it involves beer. What good race doesn't involve beer?

I still need a hug, kind of.

Goals for upcoming weeks

1. Run a 5k in approximately 2 weeks, after convincing my running buddy to join me. For funsies.

2. Run Hood to Coast on August 27 & August 28. 19 miles in 2 days. Do not die while completing said goal, and try not to run 15 minute miles due to lung failure.

3. Bounce back. I don't like being in the depths of despair.

4. Purchase a kickass running skirt. Again, for funsies.

5. Kick butt during the last two months of the Biggest Loser contest with Shawna & co.

6. Feel like myself again.

This is normal in my household.

Right now I'm sitting here, watching The Bachelorette, wearing Shawna's green tutu, a silky paisley robe, and holding a plastic sword.

Shawna is cleaning her room, in other words, and I found accessories.

This show is bumming me out a little, cause of all the damn happy and in-love bullcrap.

I spent last weekend at my adopted family's reunion, which was great, and drank beer and camped in a back yard. My best pal took good care of me and held my phone hostage so I wouldn't be too stupid, and let me climb trees. Actually, she let me climb HER so that I could get into the tree to climb it.

I also didn't cry (except for a little) and also hung out with my sister who sang Dixie Chicks songs at the top of her lungs with me in the car, walked on the beach with me, and fed me fro-yo.

Have I mentioned I'm not handling this well?

It's starting...

My aunt just sent me a message on Facebook suggesting I join an online dating site. Apparently her daughter has had a few dates on this very site, and she thinks it would be helpful in my situation.

I've been single for a week.

I am going for a run now.

Ugh.

Tonight I had a giant bowl of ice cream for dinner, and watched a Lifetime movie with Jennifer Love Hewitt as the star.

I'm not proud.

I realize that I'm wallowing, and by wallowing I am letting him win. Sometimes though, wallowing just feels like what needs to happen.

I have a feeling that this one is going to lead to a lot of miles being put on my running shoes. Just as soon as I'm done wallowing.

Things that have cheered me up lately...

1. My coworker (and source of great advice/lots of listening), running down the hallway to my office, yelling, "LESLIE I HAVE THE SOLUTION!" and dragging me to the break room... where someone had left cheesecake for everyone. She proceeded to do a little "happy, cheesecake dance" and then run to find forks. Later she suddenly appeared in my doorway, and said with a look of great thoughtfullness, "So this situation is even more like Ali from The Bachelorette than we originally thought..." before wandering away without waiting for a response.

2. Having friends like Shawna who will know exactly what you need. While I was crying on the couch, she was taking photos out of frames in my bedroom, hiding them from me, buying me Kleenex at 7-11, threatening to hack into my facebook and delete a certain boy, and convincing me that a martini at 11:30 is a great idea. Also, she immediately hates anyone who is mean to me. Also, she gives me alcohol and chocolate, and doesn't hate me yet for crying so much and being no fun to hang out with. And when I forget to eat dinner, she offers to make me chicken salad, buys me ice cream, and lets me take some of her Tylenol PM when I can't sleep.

3. The fact that it is summer, so I have river floating, lots of running, and bbq's to distract me from the fact that I feel like I've been stomped on. Even more hilarious is river floating with Shawna, who runs into rocks and screams, "IT'S A DEAD BODY!!!!"

4. My heterosexual life mate Chelse, who has been in this spot before herself, and lets me call her at whatever time of day I need and cry for hours on the phone. I'm just glad we get to call each other for free, cause last time one of us was in this position we had $400 phone bills (oops). She always tends to know exactly how I feel, even when I'm lying to myself and trying to act bright and cheery and like I'm okay. Also, she doesn't lie to me, and instead says, "Yeah, this will suck. And yeah, you're not handling it well right now." She says it will get better, and I tend to believe her.

5. Blog readers offering to mail me beer. Becky, if that is legal, I would love you forever!

6. All my friends/family who have taken this opportunity to tell me how awesome I am, that I deserve better, take me out to dinner, buy me a drink, and offer to marry me/date me/kick boys in the face. It's good to know that people have my back.

7. Although I am not dealing with this well at all (I'll admit it) my lack of focus has led to hilarious moments like the following:
Client: *Asks question in English*
Me: *Answers question in great detail, in Spanish*
Client: *Looks at me in utter confusion... since they don't speak Spanish*
Me: "Oh, shit."
Someday I'll regain my brain again, right? And my professionalism?

I know things will get better, but they sure suck right now. Where is the fast forward button?

*Insert Golden Girls Theme Song Here*

So, I got dumped.

It was the kind of breakup that led to my gal pals buying me a martini at 11:30 at night while I was in my sweatpants with my hair in a mess cause I had been on my way to bed and got the phone call.

Strangely, it was this very time last summer that I was dealing with a prior breakup. And it broke me. Badly.

I don't want to be broken anymore. Maybe I will just run off my emotions?

I also ran over 7 miles yesterday, and didn't die. So at least my lungs are cooperating when someone breaks my heart.

This sucks.

Confessions of a lackluster blogger

1. Today I had a fortune cookie without a fortune inside. This makes me wonder about my future.

2. I drank 5 beers throughout the course of the day yesterday, and was completely surprised by that fact when I counted the empty beer bottles this morning. Twilight summer ale = delicious

3. I cried through two episodes of "Top Chef" today, and then realized that if I'm going to be a girl and cry for two hours, I should at least do so through something stereotypical like "Steel Magnolias."

4. I have not run more than 3 miles in over 3 weeks. My lungs are trying to kill me.

5. I have thought about blogging several times in recent days, but typing seemed too difficult.

6. I have spent quality time wondering what I would do if I passed Neil Patrick Harris on the street. Do I say hello, and tell him that I have a plate with his face on it, because he's awesome? Or do I just walk by?

7. When I was younger I thought I would have life figured out by the age of 25. Perhaps I will at least have a couple things down when I turn 26 in a couple months?

8. I like to round up when it comes to my age, and have recently been telling people I'm 26. I don't consider that to be a lie.

9. Sometimes, I dream about calling in sick to work and spending the day doing something fun. I have yet to call in unless I'm deathly ill, unfortunately.

10. I often wonder, if people who have passed away can really "look down" and see us, does that mean they look at us naked?

Oh, hey.

I've had a lot going on lately, and no I would not like to talk about it.

I ran away to my bestie's house in Idaho this past weekend, and wandered ghost towns in the middle of nowhere followed by an adventure setting up a kiddie pool in her front yard. I always travel with the kiddie pool--really it just lives in the trunk of my car, but I can't tell you how many times it has been useful.

We set it up. We sat in it. We drank beer. We talked. And her giant black lab thought it was a great idea and decided to join us, and laid down in it. Hilarity ensued.

Sometimes, that's just what a girl needs.

Clarification

I do not intend to lose 43 pounds in 12 weeks. I plan to lose however much weight I manage to lose in 12 weeks, but not the whole whopping 43 pounds. That's just my ultimate goal... I would be happy with 12 pounds!

I cannot be blamed for any crazy things I write at the moment. I'm sick. And probably crazy. It's the cold medicine talking... My bronchial tubes are on steroids.

I just ate a vegetable sandwich with jalepeños. My father claims they cure all ailments. We shall see...

Well, damn.

So, this one morning I woke up and stepped on the scale, and discovered I had gained 35 pounds.

Clearly, this did not happen in a day. But I finally realized that 35 pounds is a substantial amount of weight. Not that I hadn't realized that 25 pounds ago, but my little friend named denial was being a bad influence.

I blame this one several things:

1. Post-marathon slump. Yes, it is still a slump, until I say it isn't a slump. I accomplished this huge goal and then went, "What now?" What now turned out to be a lot of not working out as hard as I have been. Yes, I realize I ran a marathon almost a year ago. Shut up.

2. New boyfriend = lots of eating. Eating out, eating ice cream, saying to myself, "I don't need to run, I don't need to work out, I will do it tomorrow" because I was cuddling on the couch and watching a movie. Problem is, we've now been dating for almost a year so that excuse doesn't work anymore, damn it.

3. New roommate Shawna. You see, Shawna and I love snacks like lime tortilla chips and oreos. And fro yo. And clearly we need to transform that love into a love of bicycling and hiking and being active instead of watching episodes of "Big Love" and eating snacks. When we didn't see each other as often, our love of food that is bad for us was not a problem--but we see each other every day now. Oops.

So, there we have it. I got a little fatter. Now I must re-lose it, so that my pants fit. I kept thinking to myself, "Oh, this isn't a problem, I will be fine." But it is a problem for me, because I don't want to buy new clothes and I feel unhealthy. My health is the reason I lost 75 pounds in the first place, and I felt the best I have ever felt.

As a result of all this, Shawna and I have formulated our very own "Biggest Loser" contest, wherein we are competing for 12 weeks to see how much weight we can lose. As of right now, I would like to lose 43 pounds, because that would put me at 137 which is the highest of the ideal weight range for my height. I don't know that it is the best idea to lose 43 pounds in 12 weeks, so it might take me longer to lose all that, but I'm going to give it a go.

Someday, I will wear my pants again.

My lung hurts.

Only the left lung hurts today, which is a plus.

I am sick.

Probably the sickest I remember being in a very long time.

I want some soup and someone to make me tea.

I am a whiny bitch when I am sick.

The doctor won't let me run for at least a week, and I find that very boring.

Note to self... do not run while sick.

Did I mention I'm ill? I have the cold from hell, and last night it began to hurt my lungs to breathe, and even more so when I cough. I was feeling horrible all day at work, but I'm stubborn and like to pretend like I am fine.

My day started like this:



It continued like this:



Which led to this:



With a final dose of this:



It took me WAY too long to run that 13.1 miles today--like I was seriously sucking it up, but I was pushing myself as hard as I could. I just couldn't breathe! Shortly upon my arrival home, my sister made me go to urgent care where lovely things happened like an x-ray of my chest to see if I have pneumonia.

Plus note: I do not have pneumonia. Sad note: I have a bad viral infection, and the doctor was very mad at me for having run a half marathon that morning. What can I say, I am hardcore. Either that, or foolish.

Now I have inhalers that I am supposed to use every few hours, and I had to do weird breathing treatments. Also, I still feel like crap.

Also, I am not allowed to run or do any aerobic activity for at least a week, per my doctor. She's very strict, and finds me very ridiculous.

At least I finished, right?

Hot Mess

I am falling apart at the seams. Seriously, I feel like my life is out of balance or something... and as a result, my lungs and respiratory system are rebelling.

I have the cold from hell. I feel like crap. I sound like an old man. One of my clients began his appointment today by saying, "Are you okay? You look terrible!"

Did I mention I'm running a half marathon tomorrow? The beer run has been established as a no-go, as we didn't want to pay the entry fee... Did I even mention the beer run to the blog world? I was going to run 13.1 miles, drive home, and run 3more miles in this really cool "Beer Run" where they give you a beer at each milepost. However, now I'm only supposed to run 13.1 miles, and I can't even breath while I'm sitting. Oh, the drama that is my life.

I will write again soon, assuming I do not die.

Here are my goals for July, a little in advance:

1. Stop drinking so much! Alcohol is bad. Just because it is summer, it does not mean I need to drink beer more often. Even though beer is so delicious...

2. Must. make. pants. fit.

3. Drink more water. Take vitamins regularly, not just when I see them sitting on the kitchen shelf and go, "Oh yeah, I have vitamins." Establish proper immune system so that working with the general public does not give me the plague every few days.

4. Be nicer to the boyfriend. I feel like I pick on him a lot. Also, be nicer to Shawna, even though she is gross and wipes her dirty socks on my face when I least expect it.

5. Train for Hood to Coast, and get all hardcore and such, so that I feel less like I'm falling apart at the seams and more like I can kick someone in the face and injure them severely because I have powerful leg muscles.

You're welcome.

So, there's this thing...

I'm supposed to be running a half marathon in three days. However, I cannot currently breathe. It seems that weeks of being surrounded by sick people (Shawna, our neighbor, my client's, Jason's daughter...) has left me with a case of the plague.

Hand sanitizer is my friend. I have learned my lesson. Can I have my health back, please?

This could be interesting...