I love vacations.

Today I ran four miles on this lovely pathway by the river in my hometown (and conveniently avoided slipping on ice and cracking my head open). Then I came home and pestered my sister until she let me do her hair and put weird makeup on her and take pictures of her "smiling with her eyes" in my parent's front yard. Anyone who has seen America's Next Top Model will understand that reference. Really, my sister is far too patient with me. Also, we ended up with hilarious photos of both of us, including one of me where she distracted me from my top model posing:



I really enjoy having so many days in a row to just screw around and not really do anything productive. I highly recommend it. Next week, it is back to work.

I realize this choice of afternoon activity is totally bizarre, by the way. As I was putting green eye shadow on my sister I said, "What, don't all girls in their twenties do this?" It's probably a good thing I never had brothers or I would have forced them to wear dresses and have tea parties.

Hello.

I have been doing a lot of eating lately. Also, a lot of snow shoveling. I just thought you would all like to know. I'll be back at home after this week and back to work (and also, actually blogging).

Also, I drunk dialed my grandmother the other night. Oh how I love the holiday season...

Happy Christmas Eve!

Here's a little treasure I found on Criggo, which is an awesome little blog!


I'm wishing you a happy and cozy Christmas Eve. Bundle up, watch the snow fall, and enjoy a showing of A Christmas Story (as I hope to do later)! Today I will be very Suzy Homemaker in the kitchen and cooking Chex mix, a cheese ball, and perhaps homemade marshmallows. There may be disastrous photos to follow.

Am I so sexy, or what?

I bring you the footy pajamas of Christmas 2008:

I am a snow shoveling machine.

Yesterday I was shoveling approximately 123 feet of snow as my father supervised while drinking a beer--we're a classy family. Not only did I shovel all of the walkway areas, but he instructed me to shovel out a path for the dogs and clear the snow out of a little patch in the huge-ass pen we have for them to run around in. I'm pretty sure that by the end of that shoveling adventure I had cleared an entire acre for the dogs to frolic in. They're happy though. Well, except for my dog, who sees the deep snow and immediately plunges in head first so that all we can see of her is her little tail sticking up. She rejects conformity and has no use for the acre of cleared ground.

By the time I had reached the front of the house my dad was on his second beer and I was mighty tired. The following conversation took place:

Me: Dad, we should have looked at the clock to see how long this took so that tomorrow I could have raced myself.
Dad: It took awhile, that's for damn sure.
Me: I mean, there's got to be a world record for speed snow shoveling, am I right?
Dad: Yeah, it's called a snow plow.

At the very moment I finished shoveling it started to snow again. Ah, irony.

The story of how five ingredients can equal magic.

What would you say if I told you take you could make peanut butter cookies and chocolate cake with only five ingredients? "Impossible!" "That's ludicrous!" "I am angry at your ridiculous claims!" But alas, dear readers, I am not speaking falsehoods! Today, after not much effort on my part, I have baked the lazy gal's version of these delicious confections. BEHOLD THE MAGIC!



Peanut. Butter. Cookies. Pretty much the most glorious cookie in the existence of the world. This past week my friends introduced me to the three-ingredient recipe for the perfect chewy version:

One egg
One cup peanut butter
One cup sugar (but I used about 1/2-3/4 cup so they weren't as sugary)

Mix together and bake on 350 for 10-12 minutes. You could also squish the cookies down beforehand with a fork, but I didn't and they turned out fine. These cookies are delicious and chewy after cooling, just the way I like 'em! Be prepared to have a glass of milk nearby, as these are very peanut buttery!



Next on the agenda for today was baking the Diet Coke cake I've heard so much about. Basically the concept is that you just take a box of regular cake mix, add a can of diet soda, mix together, and pop it in the oven following the box instructions. No need to add any other ingredients like pesky eggs or oil, so you are ingesting fewer calories! Woohoo! If you want to make a white cake use a clear soda like Diet Sprite.

But what is cake without frosting? Unspeakable! I made a quick and slightly chocolatey frosting by mixing together light Cool Whip and a packet of sugar-free Swiss Miss. And it was pretty darn good!

So that is how five ingredients (plus an unnecessary but delicious two) will create a bellyful of magic and sparkly unicorns. And as Leslie knows, chicks dig unicorns.

Notes from a road trip

As I told a friend on the phone, I wore my best underwear yesterday due to the heightened chance of death by fiery crash on the freeway. My mother taught me well. Luckily I survived, though the four-hour trip from my house to my parent's house actually took me about 11 hours because of the snow.

Apparently it's weird to buy chex mix at a gas station at 9:30 a.m. The cashier thought it was pretty strange, at least. I had been in my car for over three hours at that point and it seemed perfectly logical to me... I had healthy snacks packed in my glove compartment but I could hear the check mix sending me seductive whispers from the gas station shelf Leslie...indulge in my salty goodness. I'm just glad that my road trip snack of choice isn't something worse like funions.

The point of this post is to say that I made it to my parent's house safely. Happy weekend!

Thursday afternoon

Something about a haircut always snaps me back to reality. I’m a huge slacker about getting my hair cut (it had been like a year, whoops) so yesterday I decided I should probably get something done about that. They cancelled work for the afternoon because of the weather, and my coworker recommended her hairdresser to me (who just happened to have time yesterday afternoon) so off I went.

The thing about the hairdresser is that you have to sit in front of a mirror for a little while. In the past this has always surprised me because I looked heavier in their mirror than I thought I was. Yesterday I glanced in the mirror and noticed that my eyeliner was smudged, and carried on a conversation with the woman wielding scissors near my head. Fifteen minutes later I realized I didn’t look in the mirror and think I looked fat. That didn’t surprise me so much as the fact that it didn’t occur to me immediately.

My hair turned out pretty cute, by the way. I had her cut about four inches off and I feel like a new woman. Since I had a free afternoon (again… I’m starting to love snow days) I figured I would get a workout in earlier than normal—and just as I got home the sun came out. Naturally I took the dog on a walk and then set out for a run. I mean, the sun was out! The fact that I was sent home from work due to impending inclement weather didn’t even come to mind. Silly, silly Leslie.

I was three miles away from my house when the snow hit. This was not the occasional gentle snowflake—I was in the middle of an f-ing blizzard. Luckily I had just turned around, and could still see about ten feet in front of me (better than five, right?) so I high-tailed it towards my house. I had taken the proper cold-weather running precautions in order to keep myself as dry as possible, but I definitely had a moment of thinking, “What if I tripped and cracked my head open? This was most likely a dumb idea.”

I made it home, obviously. Several passing drivers gave me some very confused looks on my way. As I walked in my door I realized that I had ice encrusted on my eyebrows and eyelashes, and snow caked on my clothes. Sexy. Next time I want to run that far from my house I plan to check the weather first. That six-mile run certainly made me feel like a badass, however.

So now we now… all it takes to cheer me up is some scissors and a chance to get frostbite.

Apparently I never learn.

I’ve had a dark cloud over my head all week, both figuratively and literally, and I am not entirely sure why. I apologize if anyone has grown tired of me whining. For some reason I’m just not my bright and cheery self, and I’m hoping that turns around quickly.

I suspect my mood might change when my much-needed break from work begins. I found out that I have more vacation time than I thought I did, and so my two-week vacation starts as of tomorrow afternoon! Hurray! I love my job, but I also love vacations. Starting this weekend I’ll be at my parents’ house spending time with family and doing Christmas-y things, so odds are that will get me out of my winter-blahs funk.

Remember that holiday challenge I signed up for at work? The one where my coworker and I have been weighing in weekly and having a woman write down our weight in order to motivate us to not gain holiday weight? My first reaction upon finding out that I would be taking next Monday off as well was, “Sweet! I’ll miss the weigh in!” It turns out that I am not a fan of weekly public weigh ins, and that is something I definitely should have known by now. Instead of thinking to myself that it is okay if I gained a pound or two or varied from week to week, as the challenge went on I found myself stressing out on Sunday evenings. I would eat a light dinner and work out more than usual that evening, and then take Monday evening off and eat more than I normally would. I was “cheating” after the weigh in.

It took me until yesterday to realize that this challenge was making me sort of crazy. Having someone weigh me each week and see if I gained or lost was stressful for some reason, and it shouldn’t have been. The woman who weighed us is super sweet and not at all judgmental, and furthermore she had nothing to judge. I’ve been playing with the same two pounds almost the entire time! December is the first month in a long time that I haven’t seen a pretty significant loss on the scale over the course of a month, and I think that my excessive attention to the scale is to blame. I know that using the scale regularly works for some people, and it just turns out that I am not one of those people. I have no idea why it is that weighing myself in the privacy of my bathroom and seeing that I gained a pound is so different to me than publicly seeing that I gained a pound, but it is. For some silly reason I’ve let something that should have been a positive experience become a negative experience.

That’s lame. I should know better than this by now. The battle with the scale has led to me engaging in all kinds of negative behaviors that I thought I’d already beaten. All of a sudden I’m seeing photos of myself that someone added to Facebook and thinking that I look fat, or seeing myself in the mirror and being unhappy with certain areas. Hello, poor body image, and holy relapse into unhealthy thoughts. I plan to do away with those immediately. Mainly because, let’s face it, I am awesome. Seriously, this is not okay—I am wearing the exact same size now that I was wearing at the beginning of November, and I felt all kinds of hot and empowered then! Let’s get back to that, shall we?

And hey, the point of the challenge was to maintain my weight during the holiday season, and I have done precisely that. So really, I win! Now I’m going on vacation and my scale isn’t invited.

Beesly Bear is filled with the Christmas spirit.

This is my dog, Beesly Bear. Obviously he is really, really ridiculously good looking and smug about being so. Beesly is very excited, and do you know why? It's his first time playing in the snow as this is his first Christmas!


He has been enjoying racing around in the bitingly cold weather (sans his detested sweater) and sticking his nose into the snowbanks searching for frozen squirrels. When he's done playing he often looks like Santa Claus.

He also looks like Santa when he wears his specially altered (baby) hat. This hat makes him feel humiliated and sad and run into chairs, but I think he's just cute. Often I cheer him up by making him some hot cocoa and dancing around the living room to carols by Harry Connick, Jr. We think Harry is really, really ridiculously good looking, too. But not as much as Beesly.


Merry first Christmas to Beesly Bear! Be good and stop eating my glass ornaments or Santa isn't going to bring you anything delicious or fun next week. Okay, that's a lie.


This has been a brief interlude into my dog loving insanity. Leslie and I adore our furry spoiled monsters!

Go Michelle!

I love the Biggest Loser, pretty much. Michelle looks awesome and I’m totally glad she won. Interestingly enough, Wikipedia just told me that Heba had the highest percentage of weight loss, so if America had voted for her as a finalist she would have won! I’m glad they didn’t though, cause I was rooting for Michelle for sure.

Some people argue that the show doesn’t encourage healthy habits because it takes things to such an extreme, or that the weight loss isn’t “real” weight loss because it is in such large numbers. I disagree. While people on the show may exercise for hours upon hours, they are doing it under the supervision of some of the best doctors and trainers in the country, and my guess is that they wouldn’t allow them to do something harmful. And look how healthy and fit the contestants looked! That can’t be a bad thing. Even the people who didn’t lose over 40 percent of their body weight like the finalists did can still say they accomplished something awesome. I certainly wouldn’t have the courage to get on a scale in front of America half naked, so props to all of them.

I know in my case, watching The Biggest Loser and realizing that I was heavy enough to be on the show was kind of a wake up call. I may not have lost 100 pounds in a few months, but I’ve lost 75 over the course of a couple years and that’s perfectly fine with me! Watching people like Michelle have their confetti-filled moment of glory at changing their lives always makes me want to keep working out, and that is why I watch. Where’s my confetti?

Here’s looking forward to next season (which I’m hoping doesn’t include people who focus more on manipulating each other than weight loss, as that isn’t as inspiring to watch). Yay Michelle, America’s second female Biggest Loser!

I dislike technology.

Just so you all know, it is currently 2:20am and I am about to give up trying to fix the darn layout so that I can go to sleep and wake up at 8am. This is very frustrating! Look forward to a most excellent post tomorrow (actually THIS evening) about my glorious dog and the wonder that is Christmastime.

This is Shawna, by the way, since you apparently can't see my name. Blast!

Edited to add: Oh my gosh! I fixed it! I may die of sheer happiness!

Adventures in the snow

I decided to reconcile with the snow temporarily. From inside my office, looking through the window at the sunshine and how it makes the snow so bright and sparkly, it seemed like a good idea... I ended up getting off work early, and I found myself with extra time while the sun was out. Naturally, I decided to attempt a run in the exceptionally cold weather.

It was not a whole lot of fun. I've run in the cold before, but today it was cold. At the time of my run the temp was around 5 degrees. This has led me to believe that once the temperature hits single digits I am much happier inside. At least now we know, right?

The snow itself wasn't much of a problem--I just ran along the edge of the road where I still had some traction. Luckily the wind had died down, as that is my main problem when it comes to running in cold weather. A strong wind can make a person miserable in seconds. The one major problem I had with my run today was that it was just so damn cold. Also, I need some recommendations on gloves to wear. Anyone? My 50 cent knit gloves were not cutting it.

The photo above (as well as the following photo) are of the road I was running on today. Told you all that I live in the middle of nowhere! There are hills and more exciting scenery on other roads, but this one is closer to town and seemed like a good route for today.



I also took Suzy for a walk. I tried to get a photo of her snorting snow and this is what we ended up with:



I think I'll stick to indoor workouts for awhile. At least until we hit double digits again. Even more snow is in the forecast for the rest of the week...

Oooh, pretty!

What do you think of the new header??? My friend Monica made it for us. She's exceptionally talented and wonderful.

Anyone know how we get the comments link and labels to move to the bottom of the post? They got moved to the top and no one is quite sure how that happened. I am very technologically challenged at times.

Anyway, hurray for fancy new headers!!! Monica rules!

Friendly motivation

That’s right, I’m double blogging it today. I feel like I have to break in the new domain name adequately. Also, I didn’t want to seem too cranky after my ranting about snow earlier.

I have been pondering the idea of rewards lately after developing a reward system for my friend Chelse. Chelse is my best friend from college… we’re listed as in a relationship on Facebook, which should give you an idea of how ridiculous we are together (luckily her boyfriend doesn’t mind). She is adopting healthier habits, and as part of my efforts to help her out I have created a gold-star point chart. It is awesome. Also, it’s just a document in Excel. Long story short, Chelse is awarded a gold star each time she goes to the gym, with health eating bonuses and other bonuses to be awarded as I see fit. At certain points on the chart I reward her with something silly (she just reached 100 points and I gave her a gift subscription to Self magazine, for instance).

This is not something that would work with everyone, but for Chelse it seems to be helping. I asked her the other day if I’m annoying her by checking in every so often to see how many trips to the gym she’s made or how she’s doing, and she said it motivates her to know that I will be checking. I should mention that this wasn’t a case of me forcing my help upon this friend, and also this is someone I have known for years and I’m extremely close to. She is one of the people who refers to my mom and dad as “mom and dad,” and we live several hours apart so this is long-distance encouragement. I know that she is making these changes for herself and would be a motivated rock star regardless of our silly chart, but it’s a fun way to encourage her nonetheless. She could totally lie to me about going to the gym and I would believe her, so ultimately it is up to her to care about herself enough to go to the gym and eat healthy. Chelse has this to say about her glorious chart: “I find it more effective if I have to tell you every day that I go to the gym rather then once a week. I tell myself ‘I can not go and just deal with it later in the week.’” Also, she knows that I’ll stalk her if she tries to avoid me. That, and I don’t judge her if she doesn’t want to go to the gym or eat healthy, because that’s not my job. Really, I just enjoy gold stars and saying, “Yay Chelse!”

It goes both ways, luckily! She’s the person who motivated me to sign up for the half marathon, and that turned out splendidly for me. Chelse and her boyfriend were the founding members of my finish line cheering squad, and that definitely taught me that it’s awesome and super motivating to have a cheering squad. That’s the real point of the gold stars, to cheer her on as much as she’s cheered for me.

Lately as I’ve been wondering what on earth I am going to use as rewards for future chart accomplishments I’ve also been wondering why I don’t reward myself in the same ways. I think I should start. But what to use as a reward? Any ideas? It is definitely important to acknowledge my own accomplishments as much as I acknowledge those of my friends, and I have no idea why I haven’t been doing so all along. I encourage anyone reading this to go do something nice for yourself today. I will give you a gold star.

Bah humbug.

You know the episode of Gilmore Girls where Lorelai is super excited because it starts to snow, and then the next morning she has a series of unfortunate events that make her hate the snow? It’s while she’s dating Luke, I think, in one of the later seasons. What, you mean not everyone loves to watch reruns of Gilmore Girls? You’re all missing out. Anyway, I’m totally right there with Lorelai in aspects other than my exceptional love for coffee and ability to speak very quickly and often.

I grew up in Eastern Oregon, where snow and cattle ranches are both prevalent, and dealt with wintery conditions for six months out of the year. That’s only a slight exaggeration. I hated the snow with undying passion by the time I moved to Central Oregon, which is a lovely place filled with sunshine and warm weather and not nearly as much snow. In the 2.5 years I’ve lived here, I can remember it snowing once before this week. Of course, go 45 minutes south and the snow is much more abundant…and that’s just the type of distance I like to keep from snow.

This year when the weather man started predicting snow, I was surprised to find myself excited. Way back in the day I also lived in Western Oregon (I’ve basically called every part of this lovely state home at one point in my life) where it rains but rarely snows, and a snow day was a magical gift that we received maybe once a year. Snow was definitely exciting then. When it started to snow I found myself looking out the window and thinking of how pretty snow made everything—so magical and fluffy and sparkly, and just in time for Christmas!

Screw that. Snow sucks. It sucks a lot. I hate snow with undying passion and now I remember why: it makes people drive like morons, it’s f-ing cold, it causes me to have to heat up my car for approximately a year, and the dog goes outside and rolls around in it and promptly tries to jump on me cause she finds it exciting and doesn’t realize how f-ing cold and ridiculous it is. Now I have to wear twelve million layers for warmth, and my feet always seem slightly damp. The heaters in my house can’t keep up with the below zero temperatures, and the weather prevents me from any outdoor running which makes me cranky (though I have to keep in mind that my last outdoor run was last Saturday, so a mere three days without running certainly won’t kill me). Once the temperature gets back to double digits I might be more forgiving, but when it is –10 I tend to get cranky.

I read an article online about people running outdoors at temperatures like –40. I would really like to know what on earth is wrong with them, as I refuse to step a running shoe clad foot outside if it gets below 11 degrees or so. Speaking of the elements preventing me from my chosen favorite method of exercise, my DVD player broke with the 30 Day Shred DVD inside. I can’t seem to get it to play and/or open so I can get the DVD out. That’s one problem I plan to solve. The –10 temperature is beyond my control, unfortunately. I’m quite glad for things like my elliptical and variety of exercise DVDs, as I’m pretty sure no exercise at all is a bad idea.

I’m trying to be in the Christmas spirit and be all merry and spreading holiday cheer and shit, but it’s hard to do when I’m pretty sure I’m going to lose a toe due to hypothermia just from sitting by the drafty door in my office. I think I should probably move to Arizona or Florida or the equator or something.

Today I’m trying to combat my cold-weather crankiness with Christmas joy in the form of Kristin Chenoweth’s holiday album. I love her, pretty much. And I hope to regain my holiday cheer before the Christmas season is gone completely--cause holy crap, it is December 16 already, and how the hell did that happen? I’ll let you know if it works…

Announcement

We are now the proud owners of www.pink-spandex.com! Aren't we so fancy?

You can also now e-mail us at leslie@pink-spandex.com or shawna@pink-spandex.com.

Kindly be very impressed and e-mail us to tell us interesting and exciting things.

Edited to add: We are also having some technical issues. Are any of you web designers who want to be our new best friends? Please?

Edited again to add: How convenient, I am ALREADY best friends with a web designer!!! I love when that happens!

Brrrr!

I am typing this with mittens on because my desk is next to the drafty front door of my office. Currently the temperature here (with wind chill factor) is -10. That's damn cold.

It's supposed to stay this way all week. As such, there will not be much running outside for the next few days. I plan to make up for it with quality time on the elliptical as well as periods of dancing like a fool throughout my house. Other things too, probably.

The inability to go for a run without freezing to death has prompted me to look forward to future running endeavors. Last year in April I ran my first 5k ever, and just told a friend (who ran the first 5k with me) that I'm going to do the half marathon held on the same day this year. So there is another 13.1 miles in my future! When it is much warmer, luckily.

New rule

When there is a winter weather advisory and the temperature is exceptionally close to zero degrees, I will not go running outside because that would be ridiculous.

Hello, nice warm interior of my house with an elliptical machine...

Ugly Christmas sweater fun!

Yesterday Shawna and I gave each other the Christmas gifts we made for each other, all while enjoying some pizza and beer.





I was going to post a photo of Shawna with the gift I made her, except I made the same thing for someone else and I don't want them to see! But here is a photo of what Shawna made me... a Pink Spandex mascot!!!! And yes, she is wearing pink spandex!



And of course... we wore ugly Christmas sweaters. And decorated them with clip on birds and ribbon. We looked so lovely. I should mention that it wasn't an ugly Christmas sweater party, we're just that cool. Perhaps the reason we're both still single is that while other girls show up to social events looking their best, we see clip on birds and think, "WOW, this is the perfect accessory!!!"



Shawna wanted to show off what was on the back of her sweater. I had nothing to show off but could not be upstaged. And might I add... I bought size 10 pants yesterday!!! YAY!



So that was our Christmas party adventure in a nutshell... Also, it snowed! Oregon is supposed to get some super cold weather all weekend and allegedly the snow is going to continue, but where I live it's currently just melting instead. Have a lovely rest of the weekend, blog readers!

Sugar cookie tea contest!

Soo.... Four people entered our contest, which is approximately three more readers than I thought we had! WOO!

Lucky for all of you, the holiday tea was on sale for super cheap this week, and seeing as how so few people entered Shawna and I thought it was only appropriate to make you ALL winners!!! So Georgianna, Sarah, Becky, and Jamie will all receive a box of sugar cookie tea courtesy of the ladies of Pink Spandex.

E-mail me your addresses to slayerofmasculinity@gmail.com and I'll get it in the mail. Also, I promise not to stalk you. And thank you for reading/entering!

Tomorrow I'll post photos of a Christmas party adventure. There were ugly sweaters, hair ribbons, and clip on birds. Also, Shawna created a Pink Spandex mascot as my Christmas gift and it is AWESOME. Photos to follow soon.

Insert hilarity here

So I'm walking into my office this morning (after having worked till 10 last night) and carrying the following: a travel mug o' tea, my water bottle, a tupperware container of vegetable soup, an orange, a string cheese, my purse, my keys, a notebook, and my dignity.

Naturally, I proceeded to somehow loose my grip on the tea and spilled it all over me. The fact that I burned my hand didn't really phase me because I was too busy saying, "Oh my, what a caTEAstrophe!"

No one has laughed at this so far. Please humor me and tell me it was funny, if only because I am sleep deprived today.

Skeletons in my closet

I am weird. I know this. Years ago I chose to just accept my fate as an unusual creature and roll with it. As a result, I kind of amuse myself sometimes. Also, I’m terribly socially awkward.

I started a project yesterday that illustrated this fact. After months of procrastination, I’ve finally decided to tackle my closet—something I’ve been saying I will do for about a year. It’s scary in there, people. My closet is a wasteland of sizes that don’t fit me anymore but still hang around so that I don’t have to run around naked. There is also a pile o’ stuff lining the floor of the closet due to lack of storage space in my house. As such, my closet is literally full of surprises. Hello, size 20 skirt I didn’t know I still had. And good afternoon, random box of craft supplies.

Yesterday at the very back of the pile I happened upon a bridesmaids dress that I wore for a friend’s wedding in September 2007. Naturally, I wondered if it still fit, so on it went. It’s a size 16 dress that was kind of tight on me to begin with (girdles were almost necessary), and let me tell you there is room to spare in it now. Inches and inches of spare fabric are left empty where my body used to fill the space. It was odd. I know I have made my body smaller, but sometimes I still forget and surprise myself.

The thing of it is, I have some really bad memories from around that time period involving my body. Several nights before the wedding my friend’s neighbor mistook me for someone else and asked what was with my beer belly, mocking me before he realized he’d never met me. There were other things, comments from friends that they probably didn’t realize hurt me, dress shopping adventures where I had to try on a size 8 sample size and used humor to cover the fact that oh my god, that was just a ridiculous idea. It probably didn’t help that very little sleep was had for about three days prior to the event, but man did I feel like crap when I got home. I left for that wedding feeling pretty good about myself—I’d lost about 30 or 40 pounds at that point, and was in better shape than I’d been in for years. When I arrived back at home a week later I can’t say that I felt the same.

I remembered all of that last night when I tried the dress on. I can so clearly recall buying the size 16 and being excited that I was that size. I never thought I would be smaller than that. But here I am, able to put both my arms inside the dress along with my body and still have room to spare. How did that happen? I know that if I want to keep this weight off I need to fix things on the inside too, and so it’s important to think about how my mindset has changed. Part of the problem I’ve had in the past, I think, is that I never believed I could lead a life where I wasn’t fat. The saddest thing is that I think people around me thought the same thing. I believe in myself now, but does everyone else? I wandered my bedroom with the size 16 dress hanging off me, and realized that I loved myself then, and I love myself now. It isn’t so much that my mindset has changed, as it is that my ability to believe in myself is different. This was some deep Tuesday night thinking, my friends.

As I pondered, I found a really cute pair of shoes that I bought for $2 a long time ago. And that is how I came to find myself wearing a fancy red dress, with green sparkly heels, sitting on the floor of my bedroom cleaning my closet last night. I mean, that’s not that weird, right? You’ve all done it too? The closet never did get really clean, but at least I looked pretty bangin’ while I got distracted from my project.

Like a snow day (but warmer!)

I had an unexpected day off from work today. When I was about 10 minutes away from my office my coworker texted me to tell me that there wasn't any power and work was delayed by a couple hours. So back home I went, and decided that it was a glorious opportunity to go running during the daylight hours. I ran five miles and then did level 3 of the 30 Day Shred, and was about to hop in the shower and head back to work when the coworker texted me to let me know that there still wasn't any power and work was delayed till after the lunch hour.

Since I was already being so productive, I decided to walk the dog, do some laundry, go grocery shopping, eat lunch, and run a couple errands... just as I was about to head back to work again, I was told that work had been canceled for the whole day. Hurray! And since I had been so productive all morning I found myself without anything to do for the rest of the evening. Cue me on the couch with a mug of tea and some talk shows. I love days off. And I love having the whole evening free like this!

Right now I'm watching a rerun of Tyra and they're doing a social experiment where women are comparing their bodies to those of several models, compared to their loved ones comparing the women's bodies to those of the models. It's really interesting how women see themselves so differently than others see them. I totally get that because I can be very critical of myself, and yet when it comes to my loved ones I think they look awesome and would hate to hear them criticize themselves in the same way. Right before this I caught part of Dr. Phil where a bartender was demoted because she gained five pounds (she's a size six) and I read some news and discovered that Oprah is horrified cause she's hit 200 pounds on the scale. It would seem that weight/body image issues are surrounding me today. Just in case you were curious, when it comes to my own body I am feeling quite awesome this afternoon and am looking pretty sexy in a pair of flannel pajamas.

Speaking of Oprah, I really sympathize with her and feel badly for her. I know what it's like to regain weight and wonder what other people are saying about you, but I definitely haven't dealt with this to the extent that Oprah has. Can you imagine struggling with your weight and having an entire world watching you? And having millions of women look up to you and take advice from you? That's got to be rough. But come on, she's Oprah, we all know she's fabulous at any size.

I have to get off the couch now, as I'm pretty sure the talk shows are rotting my brain. I need my brain...particularly cause I'll actually have to go to work and use it tomorrow.

100 hours to win!

So here it is... the 100th post on Pink Spandex. Are you so excited?

Since we've made it to 100 posts, Shawna and I felt we should do something super cool. As a result, you can enter to win a box of Celestial Seasonings Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride Herbal Tea! It's totally awesome, and would also a free box of tea for you, so anyone who hasn't commented before should totally leave us a comment and enter.

Here's what you have to do to enter: leave us a comment with your name, one reason why you are awesome, and your feelings about spandex athletic attire (not necessarily limited to pink spandex, obviously). In 100 hours, Shawna and I will put the names of anyone who has commented in a hat and draw for a winner!

I'm kind of curious as to how many readers we have besides those related to me--speaking of which, if you are related to me (this includes anyone who calls my parents "Mom and Dad" and you know who are you are) you're disqualified because odds are I've already sent you tea with an excited note about how delicious it is. So quit trying to score free stuff from me, hookers! Also, Celestial Seasonings isn't paying us to promote their tea. It's just awesome tea and I happen to want to share the glory.

So go on, comment!

The magic number

Today marks the 99th post on Pink Spandex. I’ve decided to celebrate because I like to be unusual and it would be far too typical to celebrate the 100th post, now wouldn’t it? Hurray Pink Spandex!

I have a goal relating to the number 100, and it isn’t one that I’ve spoken of to many people. You see, I have every intention of losing 100 pounds. I’ve said it a few times here and there, but often with a joking undertone or with an indication that it would be nice but I’m not too worried about it. The truth is, I’m really not too worried about it, but it is still a goal. Mainly it is just because I want to prove to myself that I can do it.

The reason I started trying to lose weight in the first place is partly because I realized I had 100 pounds to lose. Before it had always been 50 pounds, maybe 60, and then eventually 70 and 100. It was a scary thing for me to realize that I was 100 pounds overweight. Right now I’m only about ten pounds from a healthy BMI (maybe eight? I should look that up) and that’s a point I don’t think I’ve ever been at. If I can get myself in shape enough to have lost 75 pounds, I see no reason why I can’t lose 100.

I was listening to a Jillian Michaels podcast (the last one before I finally caught up on all of them!) and she said something that stuck with me—there’s no reason too vain or too silly for wanting to lose weight. So yes, I’m all about having a healthy body image and accepting my body for what it is, but I’m also all about taking care of my body and striving for the best. My reason for wanting to lose 100 pounds is because that will put me right in the middle of a healthy weight range for my height—somewhere I’ve never been before. I want to see what it’s like, and how hard I have to work to get there.

Who knows, maybe I’ll want to gain some weight back after losing 100 pounds. I certainly don’t know because I’ve never even been at a healthy body weight. I think I’m finally at a point with the scale where I realize that the number isn’t what matters most to me, so I have decided to voice my goal while keeping in mind that it might change. For me, paying attention to the scale hasn’t worked in the past, so I’m certainly not going to start getting obsessive with my 100 pound goal. Currently I’m noticing that focusing on my level of fitness and healthy eating (instead of the scale) has led to weight loss more than anything else—so why not strive for the 100? I only live once!

I think I have been afraid to state this particular goal in full force because there’s still a chance I could fail. What if I don’t lose 100? What if my body doesn’t want to be that size? That’s something I will figure out as I go. I see no point in fearing failure. In my experience, I kept excess weight on for so long partly because I was afraid of the work it would take to lose it. That’s not something I fear anymore. I can tell you that where my body is right now is fantastic, but I am pretty sure it has 25 more pounds to lose.

So, that’s my goal. It might take me a year to lose the final 25 pounds, but I’m going to go for it. And I’m declaring this on our 99th post mainly because if I lose 99 pounds that is okay, too.

Two things:

1. I almost lost a foot to a vicious chihuahua while out on a run today. I ran about six miles and was almost back home when a tiny, possibly rabid dog ran at me and attached itself to my foot. Logically, I didn't do anything except shriek and shake my foot in attempt to dislodge its teeth from my shoe. I'm just glad it got my shoe instead of my ankle, as that little fucker was out for blood. The owner had to pry it loose, and was very apologetic--most likely because she thought I was going to sue her. I actually thought it was pretty funny until 20 minutes later when I realized that it could have ended very badly. I'm glad I am not missing any flesh.

2. I've been doing the 30 Day Shred for the past week (I took Saturday off, whoops) and in attempt to mix it up a little I've been alternating the levels. For instance I'll do level 3, then level 2, and then level 1 and start all over. This is probably not what I'm supposed to do but it keeps me amused. If I'm not adequately shredded in 30 days then we'll all know its because of my rebellious level-alternating ways. Anyway, the point of saying this is that today was a level 1 day and I noticed something. Natalie, the hardcore move demonstrating woman (I can't help but remember their names) is a big fat CHEATER. I believe it's during some lunges/bicep curls, when Jillian goes to show what Anita (the other one) is doing, as the camera zooms in you can see Natalie stop doing lunges and just do bicep curls. Of course, the rest of the time she's very hardcore and awesome and incredibly impressive. Still... CHEATER. It makes me feel much better about my own sometimes slackerish tendencies (don't get me wrong, I'm a lunging machine 99.9 percent of the time). Even the fitness model cheats sometimes! We should be best friends and not do lunges together, probably.

Woo!

The number on the scale stuck, so I'm totally counting it today. 75 pounds! Boo yah!

In other news, I bought a reflective running belt yesterday, much like the one pictured here. Actually, I think it is that exact one. It should make running at night much safer.

I really don't have anything interesting to report other than that. Happy Sunday!

Question

I hit 75 pounds lost when I weighed myself this morning, but I'm not sure if it counts.

You see, last night I was out and about with the lovely Shawna and for dinner I ate a salmon burger that promptly disagreed with my tummy and left me in a ball of stomach-cramping misery on my bathroom floor. Suffice it to say the dinner did not stay down, so I'm kind of wondering if my weight will stick at this number or if its just a post-food poisoning fluke.

Is it wrong if I totally still count it?

Blast from the past

My sister found some old photos and scanned them in, so naturally I had to share.

Is it me, or was I ridiculously adorable? And why don't I still have a hat like that?



And here is me with the older sister, looking all kinds of precious:



And the awkward phase begins... it got worse. A lot worse. Someday photos of that may follow, because it is hilarious.



That is all. Happy holiday season! Go look at old photos of yourself. It's pretty fun.

My dog is a rockstar.

Suzy is a 15-year-old (as estimated by her vet, no one really knows how old she is exactly) beagle that I adopted a few years ago when I first moved here. Also, she is basically clinically insane. I mean it—the dog has issues. Sometimes she spins absentmindedly in circles while lying down in order to scratch her belly, and she grunts a lot and stares at people. Often she will wake me up by breathing on my face. No barking or whining, she just stares and breathes until I wake up. It’s very disturbing.

Incidentally, Suzy is the reason I first started losing weight. I got a dog because I live alone and need companionship and didn’t want people to accuse me of being a crazy cat lady. Suzy is overweight herself, by about 15 pounds, and so when I adopted her we started walking regularly in the evenings. We still walk about a mile and a half together each evening, but try as we might she doesn’t seem to be able to lose more weight. She seems happy though, so I’m not worried. As our walks progressed in the beginning I saw some success with my weight loss and it motivated me to continue and adopt other forms of exercise as well. Now when I go for a run people in town—who I met originally because they were fascinated by the ancient wonder that is Suzy—often say hello. One would assume that the dog benefits my healthy lifestyle. Even when I don’t feel like exercising I never skip our daily walk. I tried once and she looked so sad that I felt terribly guilty and we went anyway. Even if we are just able to walk a few blocks she flips out with extreme amounts of joy.

Sometimes, though, she likes to distract me. I’ve mastered the art of pushups with a dog involved—sometimes she stares, other times she snorts and tries to lick my face, and once she decided to see if she could jump on my back. She’s a feisty little thing. Last night I was “diligently” completing a workout from the 30 Day Shred (if by “diligently” you mean answering my phone when Shawna called me during the middle of it… the pause button is just too accessible!) and Suzy was wandering about the house.

All of a sudden she appeared at my side, raised up on her back legs and started jumping around while staring at the screen. That’s right, my dog does workout DVDs with me. It was so hilarious that I started laughing and gave her a treat so that I wouldn’t bruise her ego too much.

I bet that was her plan all along. She’s so manipulative.

I quit (kind of)

I canceled my gym membership yesterday. I tried to stick it out, really I did, mainly because of the lovely reader who gave me great advice and told me that eventually I wouldn’t hate the gym…I believe her, but I think in this instance it wouldn’t have happened. I lasted for a month, and for now I’m done.

A variety of things led to this decision—mainly the fact that it was super crowded in the early evening when I workout, and I really hated either having to wait for equipment or having people stand and stare at me as they waited for the equipment I was using. I would have switched and done my workout in the morning except this gym is only open from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. (weird) and that doesn’t really work with my schedule. Also, I found the entire environment to be uncomfortable and it was making me dread exercising, and that’s unlike me. I figured it would be better to save the money I was spending on a gym membership rather than spend it on something I wasn’t even enjoying. I’d join a different gym if there were another in town that wasn’t crazy expensive. Let’s not forget that I live in the middle of nowhere.

But do not fear: I am totally going to be a rockstar in my house! I do have my elliptical and have discovered a route through town that has streetlights along 98 percent of the roads so I can still run in the evenings. And let’s not forget weekends and the occasional days when I am home before dark. Really, the more I think about this the more I’m just determined to make it work until spring.

I have also discovered exercise opportunities at work that I didn’t know existed. For instance, today the coworker and I are going to a weight lifting class that we tried out last week during the lunch hour. It’s a free class, like the yoga class, that they have on Tuesdays and Fridays. Rock on! I think it’s called Body Flex or something like that. Anyhow, I’m finding that I’m much happier figuring out alternatives to the gym than I actually was about going to the gym. So for now, that’s my solution.

And yes, yes I did buy Britney Spears’ new album this morning. I can’t lie.

December

It is a new month! Soon it will be 2009! I love pie!

That was a random burst of enthusiasm. I have so many things on my mind today, and so little concentration with which to type them. I love the beginning of a new month almost as much as I love the holiday season. Have I mentioned that Christmas is my favorite holiday of all time? I am already almost done with my Christmas shopping, have ordered hilarious Christmas photo cards, and am really looking forward to my long vacation later this month.

I forgot to mention yesterday that besides the family nonsense my Thanksgiving went splendidly. I ate some pie. It was delicious. Today my coworker and I weighed in for our holiday weight maintenance challenge at work and somehow I actually lost a pound and a half last week… I attribute this to working out hardcore pre-Thanksgiving, mostly. Also, clearly I did not eat as much pie as I should have. That 75-pound mark is so freaking close!

In other news, Shawna and I have started doing another fitness challenge through Elastic Waist. This one is called the 30-Minute Fitness Challenge: Holiday Edition! I didn’t really know what it was called, so I just looked that up. Again we are trying to do 30 minutes of activity for 30 days out of the next 36, with six days of 60 minutes of activity or more. This time I paid attention to the fact that I get six days off, and also I have already discovered that I am far more active than I think I am. I meant to go running while I was at my parents’ house this past weekend, but due to my horrendous cold (which is still sticking around) I didn’t go even once. However, I did do some hardcore cleaning for a couple hours one day, lugged boxes up and down the stairs for at least 30 minutes another day, etc. There was some activity while I chased children around and threw my tiny cousin in the air multiple times that I didn’t count. I thought I actually had one day without activity until my sister pointed out all the walking we did while shopping and I realized I could count that. Basically, that is cool. The sister also suggested I count my “high kick” demonstration, but I chose not to. According to her, watching me kick my legs in the air is hilarious because they are so short. It led to many demonstrations. Some while helping to assemble the white trash Christmas display in my parents’ yard—and yes, it does include an inflatable snowman and ice skating penguins. Hey, I should have counted that for my activity as well.

Also, due to the fact that I bought the 30 Day Shred DVD and have only used it a couple times, I am declaring that December will be my 30 Day Shred month o’ fun. I am going to see if I can do it every day for the next 30 days (paired with some other cardio like running or my elliptical or high kicking). I know I said I was saving it until I could successfully complete 100 pushups and was done with that challenge, but I really am satisfied with 76. It’s a much more unique number. How many people do you know that can say, "Oh yeah, I can do 76 pushups." In random running-related items, I ran the quickest 4.5 miles ever yesterday! I averaged just about a 10-minute mile even on all 4.5. It was sunny and moderately warm and apparently my body enjoyed the little break I gave it.

Bring it on, December!

Family ties

I had been looking forward to Thanksgiving because it involves family time, pie, and a break from my sometimes hectic job. The break from work was great, the pie was glorious, and 99 percent of the family time was lovely.

The other one percent left me saying, "I will CUT that bitch!" My family Thanksgiving was not without adventure. This is a long, rambling tirade...so be warned.

Back in the day my family used to celebrate Thanksgiving with my father's side of the familyb and it involved renting an entire church in order to have enough room for everyone. I didn't realize till much later in life that it isn't typical to have over 50 first cousins. Later my parents moved us across the state and currently our Thanksgiving typically involves our immediate family (minus my older sister in England) along with my fake uncle (a friend of my father's from work who we've adopted) and my mother's older sister along with her family--my cousin and her boyfriend, their two kids, and my aunt's new husband. Sometimes there is a random person mixed in as well because my mom likes to take in strays, but this year it was limited to our regular crew.

My younger sister and I were seated at the table playing a card game when everyone arrived partly because my stupid cold led to me being banished from the kitchen. She was winning, and I was pretending I was winning. Here is what went down:

Uncle: *Something about how much weight I've lost, blah blah blah, making me feel really uncomfortable by yelling this out in front of everyone*
Aunt: *comes into the room*
Uncle: Blah blah blah about me losing weight, then adds that my sister looks great too (cause she does) and says, "They're both losing weight!"
Aunt: *looks at both of us* Well, Leslie is.
Me: *shocked into silence and considering cutting people*

I don't even know what to say about this, really. My aunt went on to discuss my NINE-YEAR-OLD cousin's weight with her. I should mention that my aunt is essentially a crazy biotch. Also, she's far more overweight than anyone in my family has ever been. Recently she found herself without a home and ended up living with my parents for several months wherein she made my mom feel like crap about herself all the time and drove both my parents insane. My mother is still a little nutty because of it and I'm always yelling at her to not let my aunt's insanity affect her so much. Also, I enjoy her husband's company far more than I've ever enjoyed hers and I only met the guy a few months ago. But come on, is it really that difficult to deliver a compliment without it being completely backhanded and insulting someone else? For my aunt, yes. ..because she sucks at life.

I should also mention that my younger sister is one of my favorite people ever. I'm very close to both of my sisters and also incredibly protective of both of them. And of course, this blow from my aunt had to come at a time when my sister had a crappy week where stupid people made some very mean comments about her and so her self-esteem was already suffering. The thing is, it shouldn't be suffering at all! She's beautiful, and sweet, and funny, and smart, and she is not fat. She has lost weight recently, also, and regardless she is perfectly healthy and takes care of herself. Also, she's one of those super nice people who spends her spare time volunteering at a food bank and such. I spend my spare time napping and drinking beer. To sum it up, my sister is awesome.

Not only did my aunt deliver a lovely dose of bitch to my sister promptly upon her arrival, but she did not say anything else to her or about her the entire afternoon. My sister was left in tears, as any sane person would be. Sidenote: my aunt and cousin also criticized a bunch of the food that my mom had spent days preparing and so my mother wasn't in the best of mindsets either. Why do families suck so much sometimes? As a result of all of this, next year we have already made alternate plans that don't involve extended family.

The thing is, I should have said something. Usually I don't realize that I should be mad about something until way later, but in this case I was instantly angry. But I didn't say a word; instead I changed the subject and privately told my sister that my aunt is a crack ho who deserves to be hit by a car. Also, later I poured her many drinks and cheered her up. But since then I have been kicking myself for not saying something. At the time I wasn't sure if it would make my sister uncomfortable or upset my mom by creating conflict, but my aunt doesn't deserve to get away with crap like that. Happy f-ing Thanksgiving to us--now I feel guilty for having lost weight and creating the situation in the first place, my sister feels horrible, and my aunt probably didn't even think twice about it. She is a ridiculous bitch and I strongly dislike her, but sadly I still love her at least a little because she is family and I am supposed to.

I hope my sister realizes how awesome she is and that she shouldn't pay any attention to my aunt. I hope I realize that I shouldn't let anyone make me feel guilty for having accomplished something, and that I should stick up for myself and others when something like this happens. And I hope my mother realizes that even though her sister is a crazy ho it doesn't mean that she is anything like her.

And most of all, I hope my sisters both know that the thing I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving is that I have them, and that I am especially glad that I will never have reason to threaten to cut them for being bitches. Unlike my mother, I am so fortunate to have sisters that I can count on for anything and that I consider my best friends.

Also, if you think I am too cool to make the following photo my Christmas card photo, you would be wrong... I have no shame. Except how do I get rid of my dog's creepy zombie eyes if the red eye remover doesn't work?

Close enough!

I managed 76 pushups and then did the final 24 as girl pushups. I say that's close enough for now! It's 76 more pushups than I was able to do before. I think I'll do level 2 now and see if that gets me all the way to 100.

Also, I'm going to start doing the 30 Day Shred in December just for kicks. I need something new to keep me entertained.

The best part of waking up...

...is seeing a "friggin' Scottish dude throwing a ball! How is that not awesome?"

That was my sister's response when she showed her husband her kickass box (pictured above) of oatmeal and his response was, "So?" I agree with her--how is this not awesome?

My older sister (I have two, I'm the middle, in case you didn't know) lives in England and therefore often informs me about interesting English food products like ox flavored potato chips (which you can be certain I will tell you more about as she is mailing me some), and today she sent me a photo of her oatmeal box because we have interesting conversations like that.

I'd say this is a step above the typical Quaker fellow. My oatmeal doesn't even have the Quaker guy, it just has a picture of oatmeal, cause I am cheap and buy generic brands.

I just felt like sharing. How would you like to wake up to that?

Challenges

My workplace is exceptionally health-friendly. There’s a local program that often hosts events and/or challenges for employees like an annual “Biggest Loser” competition and currently a “November Fitness Challenge.” The point of the fitness challenge is to rack up as many minutes of exercise as you can, and then the team with the highest average minutes wins. My coworker and I formed a team, not so much to compete to win, but just to participate and have something to guilt us (motivate us?) into exercising. I’m rocking and have almost my whole minute log filled in, so I’m going to have to expand onto a sheet of paper to log my additional minutes. I feel very hardcore.

This year they have a new challenge over the holiday season—it involves maintaining instead of gaining. Apparently the average person gains 5-10 holiday pounds and often does not lose them. I’d rather avoid that, so the coworker and I signed up today.

From now until the beginning of January we have to go get weighed in each Monday, and they give us helpful information and pats on the back, etc, etc. This could either end well (and give me a reason not to eat an abnormal amount of pie) or it could end badly (and make me feel like crap for eating an abnormal amount of pie). We’ll see if I’m able to maintain (or even lose… preferably that pesky two pounds that’s keeping me from having lost 75 pounds total) over the holiday season, or if the baked goods come back to haunt me. Either way it will be fun to participate!

In other news, I am still sniffly and not feeling well. So if this post seems a little incoherent it would be due to the cold medicine I just took. Tonight is my 100 Pushups Challenge final test wherein I see if I am, in fact, capable of doing 100 pushups consecutively. It’s entirely possible that I’ll have to stop to blow my nose in the middle.

Ugh.

I am sick. I have developed a lovely cold just in time for the upcoming holiday weekend, and of course I have to cram five days of work into three days all while I feel like crap.

I'm especially annoyed about this because it is really pretty out today and I was going to go for an 8-mile run. And I was looking forward to it. But I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like death, and so it's probably a better idea to lie in bed with kleenex and orange juice, right?

As a result, I may not be blogging much for the next few days. I will be eating lots of soup and taking vitamins, however.

I want to be a part of it... New York, New York!

Guess where I'm going next year on vacation? You'll never guess! Okay, you got it. New York City!

I am beyond excited for this trip that won't be occurring until at least March. Three friends and I will be flying over for a week or so and also taking a side trip over to Boston. I don't even know what to say. I've dreamed of visiting these places for as long as I can remember, and now I'm finally going! I've already been checking out travel books from the library and surfing the internet in order to compile a list of possible activities, including the following:

• Eating a bagel and drinking coffee in front of Tiffany's.
  
• Playing hide and seek in Central Park. Well, maybe not, but I want to go!
  
• Falling in love with a dreamy British boy at the top of the Empire State Building.
  
• Pursuing truthiness and the glorious man who is Stephen Colbert.
  
• Climbing the dinosaurs at the American Museum of Natural History.
  
• Buying a Dwight Schrute bobblehead at the NBC Experience Store.
  
• Doing the string dance with Conan O'Brien.
  
• Drinking tea with Eloise at The Plaza!
  
• Braiding Tina Fey's hair and making her my BFF.
  

Oh boy! I've got quite a full schedule already. I hope my travel partners want to do some of these things, too, but I don't think they'll have a problem with a couple of them. Who doesn't want to fall in love with a dreamy British boy, seriously?

And do you know what else I want to do while in New York? Be my goal weight and wear cute dresses like this one:

So there it is. My motivation and the reason I posted my weight loss countdown on the lefthand side of this page. My silly and girlie weight loss motivation is being cute in New York, because how often do I go there?

I'll make a brand new start of it in old New York.

Like a party in a mug...

You should all go try this one too. It's not as good as the sugar cookie tea (but really there is little in life compares to the awesomeness that is sugar cookie tea). If you like gingerbread, you will like this tea. And I like gingerbread. I'm becoming such a tea junkie lately.

That's right, I am sitting at home on a Friday night drinking tea and snuggling with my dog in front of the television. I'll try not to be quite so awesome in the future.

Poverty does not improve my social life, that's for sure. But who needs a social life when things like sugar cookie and gingerbread tea exist?!?!?!

Yes, yes I do realize I need to get out more.

Hot damn!

Yesterday evening I completed day two of week six of the Hundred Pushups Program. I noticed during week five that days two and three suddenly featured nine sets of pushups, and I found that to be very unfriendly. Last night after I finished all the sets and thought my arms might very well fall off, I decided to add up the total number I had done over the course of nine sets.

150. Crap, that’s a lot.

In between sets I’m supposed to rest for a little under a minute, and I get bored easily, so I have taken to doing squats or lunges in quick sets so as to work my legs as well. I added those up too—65 squats (including those really horrible jumping squats… I hate those) and 45 lunges. I am so hardcore. I also ran four miles and did some half-hearted bicycle crunches, in case you were curious.

Allegedly by Monday I will be able to do 100 pushups in succession. We’ll see.

Things people say

People will talk… and sometimes the things that they say kind of suck.

Oddly enough I’m noticing that one of the hardest things about losing 70+ pounds is dealing with what people say to me. Exercise and healthy eating have become a way of life, and I enjoy both of them, so that aspect is no longer difficult. But things people say? Sometimes that’s very tricky.

There are the people in my work environment who make comments that are phrased so oddly that I can’t decide if they are complimenting me or not. Or the people who feel it is appropriate to tell me what they think I should weigh. I’ve been asked if I developed an eating disorder. I’ve been told not to lose any more weight or I would be too skinny. I’ve been told how much better I am now compared to my former self. People I haven’t seen in awhile have stared me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. I’ve heard friends describe their own weight gain with adjectives that always leave me wondering what they thought of me 70 pounds ago.

It’s tricky.

Of course, I’ve also heard compliments. Just yesterday I received the best compliment yet: a woman who works in an office near mine came up to me (in a public meeting) and said quietly, “I didn’t want to just yell this out in front of everyone, but I can tell you’ve lost a lot of weight and I just wanted to say that I think you’re doing a great job and you look awesome. I know encouragement can really help.” Talk about a compliment that I appreciated. It is nice to hear sometimes that people notice my weight loss, and even better when they mention it to me privately without making a huge deal. I’ve been in situations where someone yelled it out in front of a crowd of people, and it was exceptionally awkward for me.

The problem is that deep down inside there will always be a little part of me that wonders what all of these people will think (or say) if I gain the weight back. I certainly don’t plan to gain the weight back, but I also never planned to be morbidly obese in my early 20s either. Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned. All of a sudden my body is fair game for a topic of discussion, and all I did was change how it looks.

These things that people say stick with me. The years and years of insults are still fresh in my mind, and the comments from friends who don’t realize what they are saying still sting. People refer to other overweight people in a derogatory way while speaking to me and I still feel like they are slapping me in the face. I used to be fatter than that person, does that mean they said those things about me? Or do people love me more now that I’m not as fat? It’s sad that I would even have to think something like that. I don’t want to let people’s comments affect me so much. It’s my body, and if you ask me I should be able to do what I want with it.

So sometimes people will say things. I just have to learn not to listen.

Sometimes I am an airhead.

We are officially done with the 30-Minute Breast Cancer Awareness Fitness Challenge, and as I was doing my daily perusing of the blogosphere I came across a post on Elastic Waist discussing the challenge.

I found this tidbit particularly interesting:

Now, scientific studies suggest that 30 minutes of fitness five times a week (or 30 days during the challenge time frame) will reduce the risk of breast cancer by 20 percent (and if you want to know about other ways to improve your odds, you might want to check out this Women's Cancer Handbook), but we set the stretch goal to six days a week, or 35 days total.

Did anyone else miss the part where it was 30 minutes per day, six days per week? I certainly did. I did all 42 days!

I found it rather hilarious. I’m not too worried about it, cause some of that was some seriously easy activity (like relaxing yoga), and I probably would have done all 42 days even if I did realize that. Once I take a day off it turns into seven, usually, so I find it’s easier to exactly do a rest day, but instead do a day here and there where I do 30 super-easy minutes on the elliptical at a very slow pace. Also, a lot of that was during the half-marathon craziness and it helped to do a little something even on easy days in order to keep my muscles moving. Still… I should read things more closely!

Also, I got a flu shot. I’ve never gotten one before but I was at a health fair for work (my job is random) and this nice lady wanted to inject things into my body, so I let her. Who would argue with that? So if I get the flu this year I am going to be pissed. But at least my odds of getting breast cancer are lower!

Ohmygod, Ohmygod, you guys.

I have just had a life-changing experience involving Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride herbal tea. I say life-changing experience because my life will never be the same again now that my mouth has been filled with such delicious herbal tea goodness.

I'm on this herbal tea kick lately and tend to drink a cup in the evenings--it's warm, yummy, and is a good distraction from baked goods. Today I went to the grocery store because I needed tea (and bananas) and discovered the Celestial Seasonings holiday teas are out... and the sugar cookie variety piqued my curiosity.

Seriously. Go drink it. You'll thank me.

I tried to get a photo of me, the tea (I put a splash of milk in it), and my senile 15-year-old dog all at once and ended up with what you see below. The dog lacks concentration, as you will note. Please admire me in all my no-makeup glory... If I look tired it is because I had to work till 8 p.m. tonight. But now I'm home with delicious tea and a snuggly blanket on the couch! A gold star for you if you know what Broadway musical the title of this post is from.

No, I will not shut my pie hole.

Ah, the holidays… a time of love, hugs, snow angels and trying to keep my mother from feeding me every five minutes.

This could be a problem.

In addition to being at my parent’s house for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I recently decided to cash in some vacation time and spend the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve at my parent’s house in order to enjoy things like free food, heat and laundry. “I have to take advantage of the perks of being your daughter before I feel like I’m too old to take advantage of you,” is how I believe I phrased it when telling my mother I’d be hanging around. Plus, I have mucho vacation time saved up and my parents have the world’s most comfortable recliner that sounded like the perfect place to vacation. It’s my own cheap alternative to rich people vacation destinations like Hawaii or Europe. I bet those vacations don’t come with hugs and recliners!

The problem is this: my mother likes to bake. She also likes to feed me. Also, there are some deep-seated issues when it comes to dealing with my mother and body image/weight/life, but those are not something I feel like getting into. What I do feel like getting into is a pumpkin pie. My mother is really, really good at this whole baking and feeding me thing. How is a girl supposed to survive a post-Christmas week surrounded by baked goods?

Don’t get me wrong; there will be some ingestion of delicious homemade goodness. Who deprives themselves during the holidays? Stupid people. There will be pie—oh, glorious pie. But this year I hope to balance my unhealthy eating with plenty of healthiness. Also, there will also be lovely time spent running on snow-covered streets during daylight hours because I won’t have to be at work and can enjoy things like running in the cold when it is light outside. I’m hoping that by spending the week doing two things that I love (eating pie and running) it will balance out well.

I’m pretty sure I can avoid going on “vacation” and gaining 20 pounds as long as I keep in mind that I really would rather not gain 20 pounds in a week. Actually, I don’t think that is possible… is it? As of right now, I’m heading into Thanksgiving next week 73 pounds lighter (darn you, elusive 2 more pounds needed in order to hit 75). I’d like to keep it that way. Also, I would like to eat lots of pie.

Late Bloomers

I spent part of yesterday cleaning out the shed and going through boxes of stuff that used to be stored at my parent's house. As a result, I found a lot of old photos of myself.

Wow.

I didn't discover things like tweezers or personal grooming until a very late age. Adolescence was not kind to me. I called my younger sister to tell her that I found photos that definitely show how we each got much better looking with age and she pointed out that she had to wait for me to discover things like flat irons so I could teach her. How did we miss out on things like that?

It's also weird to see how my weight fluctuated throughout the years. I went from 180 to 220 and bounced around in that range from age 14 until now. That, coupled with the lack of a hair brush in my life, clearly demonstrates that I am a late bloomer. Does that mean I have a good reason for being socially awkward?

Today I randomly started watching a show called "The Pickup Artist" and it reminds me that there are other late bloomers out there. I have caught this show a few times before and each time I think to myself, "Why don't they have a show like this for women?"

Here is a preview of the show that I took from the Vh1 website. Kindly be amused:

• VH1 TV Shows
• Music Videos
• Celebrity Photos
• News & Gossip

Dear Leslie-

The next time you go to the gym, please follow the adorable Kristen Chenoweth's lead, call me up, and allow me to prompt you into shouting random outbursts at your fellow fitness junkies. Perhaps you will scare away the possesive treadmill users and old men who like to stare at your lovely lady lumps. Check it out!

Things only a fat girl understands

I kept trying to think of something interesting to write about today, all the while whining to a friend about how I’m having a “fat day,” when I realized that a fat day is a pretty interesting topic in itself. I have always been overweight and firmly believe that there are things in life that naturally thin people just don’t understand. You know how Kate Winslet has been quoted as saying something like, “Once a fat kid, always a fat kid” or whatever her actual quote is? I love her. We should be best friends. My inner fat kid totally still lives on—and she is often a stupid whore.

For the record, I know I am only slightly overweight. I know I can’t gain 10 pounds overnight (nor did I, but I feel like I did). But you know the days that you wake up and don’t feel like yourself? That’s today for me. I’m bloated, and cranky, and after a quick glance at my calendar I have also realized this is all due to biology and so I’m totally allowed to have a fat day today. Suck on that, hormones!

As a result of thinking about how weird it is that I label a few days each month as my “fat days,” I have compiled a list of things that I’m pretty sure only fat girls really understand:

1. Fat days: a day in which you feel fatter even while still logically understanding (sometimes) that you are the same size as yesterday. Often due to hormones or the quality/quantity of food ingested prior to the fat day, these fat days are silly and you should all just ignore them.

2. Chub rub: the act of chafing that occurs due to bare thighs rubbing together. Often this leads to abandonment of clothing items like shorts or skirts, but can be easily remedied with baby powder, Vaseline, or hardcore lotion. My sister has just informed me that wearing shorts under skirts helps, and I am rather sad that I didn’t find this out until today. Chub rub is a very unpleasant sensation and makes it even more satisfying to sit with your legs wide open in an unladylike manner while saying, “Ahhhhhh….” Don’t lie, you’ve done it.

3. Girdles: devices of torture designed to constrict areas of the body (frequently the tummy) that were obviously designed by a masochist. Personally, I’m a fan of letting it all hang out.

4. The non-chair sit: how to make it look like you're sitting while actually not putting any weight on the tiny chair someone gave you for fear of turning it into kindling—as described by my sister, who is hilarious. My response: “That’s a skill, right there. And requires some hardcore thigh muscles.” I’ve also employed this technique when someone offers to let you share half of their chair (HA!) or sit on their lap.

5. The locker room change: the act of changing (in rapid succession and often while contorting in strange manners) so as to avoid having anyone see your body while you are completely naked. A frequent method involves putting on one shirt while simultaneously removing the other, and is something I mastered during middle school gym class. This is also an addition from my sister (she’s clever) who pointed out that this can also apply to girls with poor body image and low self-esteem. Also, prudish people who don’t like to be naked in front of others. There’s nothing wrong with nudity, but there’s also nothing wrong with not wanting to parade around naked, people.

6. The fat girl camera angle: always from above, at a downward angle, so as to avoid pesky double chin shots. Photos taken from below, at an upward angle, are to be promptly burned and never thought of again.

7. The non-jiggly wave goodbye: the act of waving while holding your upper arm close to your side so as to avoid “getting the bingo wings going” as my sister just described it.

8. The need for industrial strength sports bras: enough said (addition by the sister: “Skinny girls with big racks can commiserate with that one.”)

So there you have it. Live on, inner fat girl! Just try to be a little nicer to yourself, okay? And no, you can’t have ice cream for dinner.