Adventures of a pedicure: how I got felt up by a stranger

I had the brilliant idea to schedule cheap pedicures for Shawna and myself yesterday. Rather than a relaxing, fun way to spend an evening it turned into a moderately hilarious adventure that left me feeling dirty.

It would appear there is a reason for a cheap pedicure to be so cheap. Sadly, we had to sit in chairs that were way far apart from each other, so there was no chatter to be had. They gave us wine, and as I had my feet in the tub and was waiting for someone to get to me I noticed one of the men smiling creepily at me from across the room. That was when it got a little weird.

I was perfectly happy, reading Cosmo and gaining dating advice (apparently I should do things like get three different guys to ask for my number in one night. Hello, slutty advice). Next thing I knew, Creepy Asian Pedicurist Man (CAPM for short) came over and got to work. I thought things were a little bizarre when he started asking me personal questions: "Do you have a boyfriend?" "I don't believe you, what's your boyfriend's name?" "Do you live alone?" "Where do you live?" "Do you know how to cook?" Yeah. That was Awkward with a capital A but nothing too strange. I made a mental note to tell Shawna about it and continued to read Cosmo whereupon I learned valuable information about crazy things girls do that chase men away (I say men should suck it up and deal).

I have this callus on my toe that's been built up from running so much, and the man started picking at it. Before I knew what he was doing, he cut the thing off and put my foot back in the tub. Burning ensued. That's right, he chopped off a chunk of my toe and now I probably have hepatitis. Super.

CAPM took it upon himself to massage my legs, and that's when things got a little too... friendly. He didn't just massage my lower calf like most pedicurists. Oh no, this guy went for the full on massage--he was above the knee at several points. As I sat there wondering to myself if this was normal behavior, I moved my skirt a little so he wouldn't get lotion on it. Soon Shawna was done and pulled up a chair across from me (finally we could chat!) and in a few moments I got a text message: "Shhh, I can see up your skirt!" Shawna is a good pal and luckily informed me that CAPM could see my inner thigh.

Upon leaving I learned that Shawna was not massaged in such a fashion, thus making it clearly abnormal. Also, she had a guy who removed calluses and then showed them to her. Weirdo.

All in one night I got felt up, flashed a stranger, and lost a chunk of toe. That's a full evening right there.

Three day weekend!

I have decided I should own a bicycle. The problem, however, is that I have no idea what one should consider when buying a bicycle.

Today I think I will wear a skirt because it is summer and because I should show off my pasty white legs. Also, today I am going to go have a picnic with Shawna followed by an evening during which I shall go for a long run, eat leftovers, and quite possibly paint my toenails. I'm pretty excited about it.

I am dog sitting my roommate's tiny Yorkie for the weekend, and I'm pretty sure he hates me and has decided to torture me by barking the whole time. He's like that.

Summer night... everybody are you with me?!?!

I have a cold. Quite possibly the plague. However, I am pretending I am better because it is the most gloriously sunny day outside that I cannot handle being inside any longer.

The plague is making it really hard to train for a marathon, I must say. Why does it seem like I get sick more than the average person?

Now go play outside!

Amen, Kelly Clarkson.

Sometimes I get so caught up in life that I start to panic a little at the thought of how ridiculous and insane everything is. I have a hard time reacting properly to things. Also, I'm horrible during PMS.

Then I go for a 5 1/2 mile run in the sunshine, and have a moment with my face turned up to feel the warmth, my eyes closed (a bad idea since I'm accident prone, but whatever), where I feel the love of people I've lost and the happiness of summertime. And it is during moments like those that I realize the truth wisdom of Kelly Clarkson. Seriously. Go buy her new album.

Other highlights of my weekend:

Conversation with dad:
Me: So I hit a tree with my car the other day.
Dad: A tree. A TREE?
Me: A tiny one. More of a sapling really...
Dad: But you hit a tree...

Conversation with Mom:
Me: You do realize that I just drank and drive on the riding lawn mower while consuming a beer with a straw. What kind of daughter did you raise?
Mom: One after our own hearts...

I also ran a 5K with the mom this weekend! Pictures to follow. We kind of kick a lot of ass.

Now go listen to Kelly Clarkson, please.

And the top five reasons Leslie is awesome are...

1. She always puts my eyeliner on for me because I am a helpless child. I always look quite spectacular after this, and I have her to thank.

2. She is my one friend who will indulge my obsession with Buffy and borrow my dvd's.

3. Her transformation into an amazing athlete over the past couple of years is an inspiration, and I'm so proud of her.

4. I agree with Leslie's number 4. She's always up for adventures like getting lost in a corn maze or being homeless rockstars on a street corner. We try to avoid the boring when we're together.

5. She doesn't think twice when I call her up and ask her weird crap. She knows me well.

6. Okay, okay. Top six. She dates boys for me and amuses them when I'm too shy to do the job myself. What a good pal!

She also has really, really nice hair and lets me poke her in the face so she can't fall asleep when we have slumber parties.

Top five reasons why Shawna is awesome

Some notes of awesomeness about my fellow blogger because we decided we should blog about such things today:

1. She is very pretty. Sometimes she smells good too.

2. She is very kind and considerate, and one of the most sympathetic people I know. Also, she always is honest and tells me when my outfit is ugly and I don't take it personally cause I'd rather know that I'm ugly than walk around looking stupid.

3. She is hilarious, and always cheers me up.

4. She is always up for adventures and is very spontaneous. Some of my best memories have been created after we decided to go on a crazy adventure.

5. She's clever. And she has very good taste in movies and music and I feel smarter for hanging out with her.

Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone.

Yesterday was the 9th anniversary of my sister's death. I was driving in my car when James Taylor's "Fire and Rain" came on the radio, and I started crying and thinking about how much I still miss and love Heather so much.

It's hard to believe that so many years have passed since that terrible night I found out that she'd died in a car crash. It was a Wednesday, the night of Party of Five's series finale. I remember because my sister had wanted me to tape it for her since she would be working late, and I was upset because the cable had went out. I never did find out what happened at the end of that show.

I remember going to school the next day because I couldn't bear being in that lonely house and witnessing my mother's broken heart. I remember crying in the bathroom and getting a nosebleed from blowing my nose too much. And then I remember telling my best friend what had happened in the hallway outside of biology class while she hugged me and cried, too. Attending my sister's funeral was the one day I missed of high school.

After all these years, I realize I will never stop mourning the loss of a life with my sister. Who would we have been today in 2009? She would have been 35... Next year I will be the age that she was when she died. I mourn not knowing her in my adult years and the deeper friendship that we could have had as we grew older together. Would I have turned into an entirely different person had my big sister been around to give me advice on dating, careers, and what not? I miss the idea of who I might have been, who we might have been together.

I wish things.

I wish I knew what to do with my life. It feels weird now to have gone from a career in which I wrote on a daily basis to not writing at all, and that could be why I've not been blogging lately. It feels weird. I've been a writer for over five years, so a complete career change is something I have to get used to. I'm afraid if I write more, I'll miss it too much.

I wish I understood people more. Boys are confusing. Life is confusing.

I wish my heart wouldn't hurt when I miss people. It is coming up on the anniversary of when one of my best pals went missing at sea, and I wish I still had her around to talk about confusing boys. I miss her every day, and I wish I knew how to deal with that.

I wish it would stop raining.

I wish I would quit being a slacker and be more hardcore about training for a marathon. There's always tomorrow...

I wish for world peace. And chocolate. And maybe vodka.