My lung hurts.

Only the left lung hurts today, which is a plus.

I am sick.

Probably the sickest I remember being in a very long time.

I want some soup and someone to make me tea.

I am a whiny bitch when I am sick.

The doctor won't let me run for at least a week, and I find that very boring.

Note to self... do not run while sick.

Did I mention I'm ill? I have the cold from hell, and last night it began to hurt my lungs to breathe, and even more so when I cough. I was feeling horrible all day at work, but I'm stubborn and like to pretend like I am fine.

My day started like this:



It continued like this:



Which led to this:



With a final dose of this:



It took me WAY too long to run that 13.1 miles today--like I was seriously sucking it up, but I was pushing myself as hard as I could. I just couldn't breathe! Shortly upon my arrival home, my sister made me go to urgent care where lovely things happened like an x-ray of my chest to see if I have pneumonia.

Plus note: I do not have pneumonia. Sad note: I have a bad viral infection, and the doctor was very mad at me for having run a half marathon that morning. What can I say, I am hardcore. Either that, or foolish.

Now I have inhalers that I am supposed to use every few hours, and I had to do weird breathing treatments. Also, I still feel like crap.

Also, I am not allowed to run or do any aerobic activity for at least a week, per my doctor. She's very strict, and finds me very ridiculous.

At least I finished, right?

Hot Mess

I am falling apart at the seams. Seriously, I feel like my life is out of balance or something... and as a result, my lungs and respiratory system are rebelling.

I have the cold from hell. I feel like crap. I sound like an old man. One of my clients began his appointment today by saying, "Are you okay? You look terrible!"

Did I mention I'm running a half marathon tomorrow? The beer run has been established as a no-go, as we didn't want to pay the entry fee... Did I even mention the beer run to the blog world? I was going to run 13.1 miles, drive home, and run 3more miles in this really cool "Beer Run" where they give you a beer at each milepost. However, now I'm only supposed to run 13.1 miles, and I can't even breath while I'm sitting. Oh, the drama that is my life.

I will write again soon, assuming I do not die.

Here are my goals for July, a little in advance:

1. Stop drinking so much! Alcohol is bad. Just because it is summer, it does not mean I need to drink beer more often. Even though beer is so delicious...

2. Must. make. pants. fit.

3. Drink more water. Take vitamins regularly, not just when I see them sitting on the kitchen shelf and go, "Oh yeah, I have vitamins." Establish proper immune system so that working with the general public does not give me the plague every few days.

4. Be nicer to the boyfriend. I feel like I pick on him a lot. Also, be nicer to Shawna, even though she is gross and wipes her dirty socks on my face when I least expect it.

5. Train for Hood to Coast, and get all hardcore and such, so that I feel less like I'm falling apart at the seams and more like I can kick someone in the face and injure them severely because I have powerful leg muscles.

You're welcome.

So, there's this thing...

I'm supposed to be running a half marathon in three days. However, I cannot currently breathe. It seems that weeks of being surrounded by sick people (Shawna, our neighbor, my client's, Jason's daughter...) has left me with a case of the plague.

Hand sanitizer is my friend. I have learned my lesson. Can I have my health back, please?

This could be interesting...

Shawna is a freak.

It has come to my attention that my roommate is a weird, weird individual.

In the past 24 hours, she has done the following:

1. Snuggled up in my laundry, while saying, "I wish I was a tiger!"

2. Convinced me that it was a great idea to get fro-yo instead of running. That actually was a good idea.

3. Rubbed her sweaty, gross socks on my face while I was driving.

4. Made me touch a bone in her foot that was sore.

5. Scratched her head with an awesome head scratcher I purchased, then screamed and said that it made her think of long, dead fingers.

6. Drank beer while also dunking Oreos in milk and eating them. During this process, she began to talk to me about how her Oreos were impotent.

7. Greeted me upon her arrival home, hugging me and licking my ear.

8. Attempted to see if our neighbor was home by climbing up by her window and screaming her name through the opening.

All in one day, people...

Really?

Comment on my last post:
Anonymous said...

Pardon me if I'm being rude, but how much work did you put into it before trying out? Most of the women I know puts in months of work on skating, endurance, and agility before tryouts. It's not something to do on a lark for a local paper before it makes good copy; and frankly, it's not fair for the existing players and those trying out if you only go half-assed by not working ahead of time. And if you did do that, I apologize in advance (although you should have noted that, too - since derby is not something that can be done on short-notice, movies notwithstanding).

June 9, 2010 8:54 PM

Guess what, Anonymous? You are being rude.

I had only a few day's notice before trying out for roller derby--I was asked to do it for the paper, and I agreed. Everyone involved was aware that I had no experience, so I made no efforts to pretend otherwise.

It really disturbs me that someone would post something like that on my blog, especially without attaching their name. If you really have a problem with me, at least be man or woman enough to say who you are. This blog is nothing more than a way for me to post about the random and entertaining things that happen to me, and I don't want it to become something that brings me down. I don't post things to hear criticism or for people to try to bring me down. In fact, I wasn't really aware that anyone reads this other than my sisters and a couple other people (and I love you all, my three loyal readers). For a brief second, this comment really bothered me. Luckily I realized that something this silly shouldn't ruin my day.

I do not do anything half-assed. If I agree to do something, I give it my all. In this case, my all involved a lot of falling on my face, but it cannot be said that I didn't try.

So, Anonymous, guess what? You can suck it.

Roller derby = sore butt

Last summer I went to a roller derby match, drank a beer, and said, "Wow, that is a fabulous idea! I should try out!"

Many things are a good idea after I drink beer. This does not mean I should pursue them.

I was approached with the opportunity to write a story about trying out for the roller derby for a local paper. Clearly, I agreed, as I am awesome. That's how I found myself strapping on skates last night (and putting my helmet on backwards, which the coach told me was "so cute"). I wore my marathon shirt, in an effort to look hardcore and like I should be besties with Carrie Underwood (we have the same shirt, in case you missed that or I haven't mentioned it 20 times).



Turns out that I am not meant to be on wheels. I mean, seriously. I fall down a lot. Remember the ditch incident, which led to me attending a wedding covered in Hello Kitty band-aids? A treadmill face plant anyone? What possesses me to decide I can put on roller skates and NOT hurt myself?

I crashed and burned. Many, many times. To the point where I couldn't even skate on the track with the rest of the skaters, I had to skate in my own little world on the concrete where I couldn't trip anyone with my nearly dead body lying across the track. Hilarity ensued. Also, I got to second base with the coach in attempt to grab onto anything possible to break my fall. Oops.

My pal Anne went with me, and was immediately awesome at roller derby. Last week she also went on a run with me after having not run since high school, and ran over 3 miles without difficulty. I feel like she is obviously an alien. Also, a roller derby ringer. I was kind of having gym class flashbacks a couple times, cause I was the black sheep of the roller derby group.

Today my butt is bruised, and I'm also sore from doing ridiculous things like crunches and push ups while wearing roller skates. Those girls do not mess around. But I survived, and I didn't even have to utilize my kickass health insurance!

I actually was really upset about this last night (I had also had a really shitty day, so that probably made me both crazy and emotional) and started crying because I was so embarrassed about being a roller derby failure. Luckily, I didn't do this until I was in the car, or the other roller derby girls would have realized I'm not at all hardcore, even though I have an awesome shirt.

So, I can't be good at everything. But at least I can be mediocre at some things. And I'm really, really good at falling down.

TV characters we'd make out with

Trent Lane (Daria)


















Tats, goatee, and lack of ambition. All very hot.

Jim Halpert (The Office)
















Sigh. We love this dreamboat. We'll cut Pam if we have to.

Barney Stinson (HIMYM)

Birthday suiting up, perhaps?

Marshall Erickson (HIMYM)

We'd scout out Nessy with him any day.

Eric (The Little Mermaid)

Part-time sailor, full-time cartoon hottie.

Sawyer!!!! (Lost)

We'd brave a hellish island and smoke monsters for this man any day.

Matt Saracen (Friday Night Lights)

So poetic and forlorn.

Tim Riggins (Friday Night Lights)

He likes beer. We like him. And beer.

Gus Pike (Tales from Avonlea)

He may smell like fish, but he can read now!

Piz (Veronica Mars)

Clearly better than Logan. I mean, come on!

Jess (Gilmore Girls)

Dean is a whiny little bitch. Jess is obviously way better.

Joey (Friends)

How you doin'?

Ned (Pushing Daisies)

Several inappropriate comments were just made about pie. That's all we can say.

Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Bite me? Yes, please.

Seth (The O.C.)

Shawna: What's it called when you're a whiny little bitch in high school, but awesome?
Leslie: Emo?
Shawna: Oh, yeah.

Puck (Glee)

Totally hotter than the other Glee Club douches. Kirk/Kurt is also awesome, but we can never remember his names.

Bob Harper (The Biggest Loser)

Probably gay, but straight enough for us.

And for the grand finale, Jacob (Twilight Series).


You're welcome.

Um.

I just agreed to try out for the roller derby and write a story for a local alternative paper.

I fall down a lot...without wheels under me.

Thoughts?