20 miles: all downhill from here!

I am so excited to be done with the 20 mile run. Hello, tapering... 12 miles next weekend sounds like the most glorious thing ever. I have no idea how the full 26.2 will go on October 4, but there's only one way to find out, right?

I was literally out the door yesterday, on my way to run, when I realized my ipod is totally and completely fried. I was also completely exhausted as I had slept on the couch (my sister was over and I didn't want to wake her up while I was up and about on my way to run in the morning, so I made her sleep in my bed). Sleeping on the couch actually meant barely sleeping at all--so I was just so overwhelmed with frustration that I didn't go for my run yesterday. I couldn't face the thought of over 4 hours of running with absolutely nothing but nature to listen to, and for some reason I just decided to give up for the morning and go the next day.

It's all mental, and I am well aware of this. I know that physically I am capable of training for and running this marathon. But my head doesn't always agree with me. Anyway, I ended up sleeping in, and spending extra time with my sister--well worth it. We hiked up the butte next to my house, went to a local beer festival with some pals, and floated down the river. Turns out we're having a sudden heat wave, so it was nice and hot and almost like summer was still around. (At one point while floating we saw a freakish rodent creature that caused me to utter the following: "What the hell is that? Is that a muskrat? If it is, I'm officially terrified of muskrats!")

So. Today I was all by my lonesome with no other plans except for my 20 mile run. I woke up bright and early, ate some breakfast and set out--fried ipod and all. The Nike+ arm band SUCKS, by the way. It's built in such a way that it allowed my sweat to occasionally get into the ipod, and as such has created water damage. Of course, water damage is not covered by the warranty. Super. Oh well, it's gotten me through a half marathon and almost all of my marathon training so I suppose that'll have to do. Anyway, it's doing this awesome thing where I can only hear music and background vocals, and sometimes the faint hint of the actual vocals in the song.

Want to know what hell is like? It's a 20 mile run, during a heat wave, with ridiculous sunlight beating down on you, with nothing to listen to except music with no words. Try listening to a Britney Spears song like that sometime--it's music with just a lot of "oooh, ahhh, ohhh" added in. Around mile 17 I started to become slightly insane and thus found the amusement in this situation. Yeah, ipod, you can just suck it.

Anyway, about this mental thing--I'm doing this to myself. I'm frustrating myself, and worrying myself, and putting too much pressure on myself. When I first started out this morning I had terrible stomach cramps (something wasn't sitting right, who knows what...), and I felt sooooo slow. Around mile 2 I stopped to walk and almost cried with frustration because I feel like I'm not living up to the standard I have set for myself. I kept running anyway, and sang Kelly Clarkson songs to myself (since I couldn't hear her doing it), and eventually realized how ridiculous I am. Yes, I was super slow today. Yes, it was like when I only first started running and ran at the pace of a chubby turtle. But by the time I was done I realized that doesn't matter to me--all that matters is that I completed 20 miles, and did so to the best of my ability, and it was greuling and crazy and all I care about is finishing.

I'm nearly certain that I'm not even going to use my Nike+ during the marathon--I need to stop worrying about time. My goal is to finish.