Vote for us!

Go vote here, for the gnome table.

Look, this is our house.

So is this.

You know you love gnomes. And unicorns.

All you have to do is "like" the photo on ReadyMade's page. It's easy! It'll take two seconds during your busy schedule of Facebook stalking!

Thank you.

Why I run...

Last night, I remembered some things about being me. I decided to go for a run, mainly because I obligated myself to run a 5k on December 4 (thanks, Gabe and Chelse, otherwise I would have sat on the couch). For the first time in awhile, I felt like myself again.

Over the past few months, I've had some serious roadblocks when it came to running. Sometimes it was physical pain, sometimes it was emotional pain, sometimes it was just the inability to motivate myself. I let myself fall into the trap of not caring enough about myself to be healthy, and feeling like I wasn't worth much. That's not a place I would like to be again.

So I set out last night, on a pleasant evening with cool fall temperatures. Leaves are changing so I was surrounded by oranges and reds, and a pretty sunset. My feet hit the pavement in rhythm, and for 4 miles, I was able to just be me. And I was happy.

I've tried to experiment with group running events, and running with friends, and while I enjoy it, for some reason it just isn't the same as a run by myself where I have time to think. Last night I thought about love, and loss, and how even if I don't feel anything ever again to the degree that I felt previously, at least I am capable of loving that much. I thought about work, and the raise I got yesterday, and what color to paint my toenails, and about how I measure my feelings for a guy by the amount of tingling I feel in my toes when he kisses me. And how that's probably why I should change the way I choose which men to allow in my life. I thought about pumpkins, and how my pants don't fit except for one pair, and how I'm kind of okay with that right now since at least I have been able to get out of bed and go to work. I thought about cowboys, and cocktails, and about how much I love Katy Perry lately. I listened to breakup anthems, and silently thanked Keith Urban for ever recording the song "Stupid Boy." I thought about friendship, and how I'm glad I have people in my life that will send me lists of songs I should listen to while I'm feeling this way, because it really does help. I thought about making drastic hair decisions and how I should probably do something reckless, because if I'm going to be reckless, now is the time to do it. Mostly, I just thought.

Before I knew it, 4 miles had flown by. And I felt stronger than I have in awhile. I felt more like me--and that is why I run.

Wednesday.

I have been watching more episodes of "Weeds" than can ever be good for a person. Soon, however, I will be done with all the seasons that are on the instantly watch section of Netflix. And normal life shall resume.

This weekend I am hosting a bachelorette party and going to Roloff Farms (the pumpkin patch owned by the people on "Little People, Big World"). I know, you're jealous.

Stress relief

Picture this hypothetical situation: You had a rough day at work, perhaps hit your knee on a table edge during a staff meeting... but not in a normal way, in a way that almost made you instantly vomit from pain and come very close to saying, "FUCK" in front of all your coworkers. Just close, mind you. Now your knee is completely doubled in size because it's so swollen, and you think perhaps you're the clumsiest person ever. Now imagine that you are overwhelmed by life, and completely disillusioned by the male race, and really just generally in a pissy mood.

Never happened to you? Yeah, me neither.

But if it had (completely hypothetically) happened to me, and maybe if I couldn't go for a run tonight because I cannot even really walk at the moment, I would have several solutions for this grumpy day.

Solution one:



Beer. Sessions Black Lager. Be still my heart! Also, first pomegranate of the season!!! BOO YAH!

Did I really just say boo yah about a piece of fruit?

Solution two:



That's right, purple sweatpants that are so comfortable it's like you're not wearing pants! And perhaps the t-shirt from your very first 5k, which is old and worn, and possibly stained due to a horrific tomato soup cooking incident in which you burned your tits with pureed tomatoes? That hasn't happened to you either?

...

Yeah, me either.

And finally, solution three:



Pizza dough. Used to make your roommate dinner, while drinking a beer. Because somethings, a girl just needs to punch something. And today that something is a ball of dough.

Teamwork

Shawna and I should not be allowed to play Super Mario Bros together, in the Wii version where two players go through the course together. There was yelling, and each of us killed the other one at some point by going too far ahead.

Clearly, it's beneficial to both of us that we work so well together as roommates. We just can't go on missions to rescue cartoon princesses, that's all.

Just dance, bitches!

You may have heard that Shawna bought a Wii. You may have also heard that she purchased "Just Dance" and pre-ordered "Just Dance 2."

She's been making me play it continuously. It's getting a little ridiculous how much we love that game, to the point that I swear I woke up last night and was dancing in my sleep.

My arm hurts a little.

Sometimes I find myself singing the songs and doing the dance moves while sitting at my desk.

One can only imagine the trouble that "Just Dance 2" will bring when it arrives on Thursday.

In other, completely random news:
1. A very good friend has started doing the Couch to 5k plan, and he and I are going to do a local Jingle Bell Run on December 4. He is marrying my heterosexual life mate, so she will be sitting on my stoop cheering us on, hopefully drinking coffee with Irish Creme and Kahulua in it. It's only appropriate. I am very proud of him! And also, that gives me a reason to run, so that I can keep up with him, haha.

2. I like... LOVE Katy Perry all of a sudden. She has overwhelmed my generic mp3 device that I am using to run with (RIP ipod), and I find her glorious. I may have kissed a cowboy in a bar on Friday night while her song "Teenage Dream" was playing, so now that song makes me laugh every time. Holy rebound, and also, I should really not drink anymore, ever again. This time I really mean it when I say I am adopting spinsterhood!

3. WTF is with all the celebrity couples breaking up lately? Courtney Cox and David Arquette? Christina Aguilera and the guy she married whose name I don't know? Is there no hope for celebrity people to stay married?

4. Speaking of Christina Aguilera... go youtube the preview of "Burlesque." Christina. Cher. Sparkles. Musical numbers. Why yes, yes I will be seeing that.

5. Also, speaking of movies (I swear there was a logical transition between all of these topics in my head), "Easy A" is hilarious and I kind of love Emma Stone. Mainly because I have had this exact sort of situation in my very own life:


6. I just really, really love unicorns.

Small Town Saturday Night

So, Shawna and I are awesome. This is how we spend our evenings together. We're the best single women in our 20s ever, basically.







Mmmm.... pineapple curry. And Nintendo Wii. And pumpkin fro-yo. It's like Halloween on your tongue.

I am alive.

Dear blog, you’ve heard it before: I’m a lazy son of a gun. I have not written to you in the longest time, but know that you are always on my mind… just like Georgia.

Leslie and I had some tough summers, and we are trying to settle into changes that have occurred in our lives. Hers may have been more heartbreaking, but I had some unhappiness as well which I don’t feel comfortable posting on the interwebs. Anyway, here is fall, and I am happy for it to be here with all of its leaves and cider and Halloween costumes. (BT-Dub, Leslie and I are going to be Ghostbusters this year. Frick yes!)

As you know, Leslie and I always enjoy a writing a good list, so here are the things that are making me excited right now:

1. The book Zombies vs. Unicorns. It was pretty much written with our interests in mind.
2. My new Wii. I pre-ordered "Just Dance 2," and it is released in three days. I CANNOT WAIT!
3. Black nail polish I keep peeling off my nails.
4. Going to visit the Roloff farm in a couple weeks with Leslie and Nike.
5. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows midnight showing!
6. Polar Plunging with "Team Apocalypse... We've all been there" as a gang of Buffys (or is it Buffies).
7. Finding an opportunity to wear Leslie's and my newly acquired unicorn costume. It's brilliant.

So, yeah, there's some good stuff I'm looking forward to right now. Yeah fall!

If you weren't jealous of us before...

Shawna and I went to see "Evil Dead: The Musical" last night. We had front row splatter seating. I know, right?

I suggest you all find a local production and go see it immediately. It was a glorious experience.

It's totally not weird that we spend our Thursday evenings doing that, right? Tongight we are having a Michael Jackson dance party! It's normal, our lifestyle, I think.

Go watch the video. It will change your life immediately.

Um, whatever.

I'm tired of being depressed. I think I'm starting to annoy myself. The couch and I are spending too much time together, and I think our relationship needs a little time and space. I'm all for time with comfy sweatpants, the couch, and a season of "Weeds" (how have I not discovered that show earlier?) but I think I'm starting to get a little ridiculous.

You know how people will tell you, "You won't be given more than you can handle. You were given so much to deal with because you're a strong woman." I want those people to shut the f up, or let me punch them in the face. The events of the past couple months of my life were both devastating and unexpected, and I know I can handle it, but I certainly don't think any of it was necessary.

I had my heart broken. I had some bad doctor's appointments. I suffered a loss and I'm not sure how I should grieve. But I'm still here.

I mentioned to a friend I hadn't talked to in awhile that I had some serious mileage to put on my running shoes, cause that's when I do my best thinking and am able to clear my head. Now I'm realizing maybe that's the problem... I found this activity that I enjoy, that allows me time to myself, and that has helped me get through some tough situations. Now, because of my lung issue earlier in the summer, and because of various (and more recent) medical issues that we won't discuss, that has been taken away from me for a period of time.

But I'm fine now. I have two legs, and two feet, and two healthy lungs. What's stopping me? Currently, nothing. The running shoes and I, we will be reunited. I'll take my time to think, and grieve, and just be present in that moment where my feet are hitting the pavement steadily.

I need to recognize the positive instead of the negative. I have a kickass job, great friends, an awesome family, and a bottle of wine in my fridge. I can bounce back, if I put my mind to it.

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts Official Video

This is my new breakup anthem. I dig it. I've found that having a breakup anthem is helpful... last time I had my heart broken, I found myself listening to "Don't Let Me Stop You" by Kelly Clarkson quite a lot.

Ah, life.

Who am I?

A year and two days ago, I ran the Portland marathon.

Yesterday I spent my evening on the couch with some chicken strips. The night before, I ate f-oreos and cheez-its and found myself, again, on the couch.

I think the couch and I are becoming a little too close. The problem with wallowing, and being in the depths of despair, is that I'm really, really good at sitting on the couch. I'm all about chicken strips and f-oreos, I just typically like to think that I choose to balance them out with healthy meals and lots of activity. That's not so much the case lately. It would appear I am not doing so well with operation super hotness. Whoops. Time to restart my mission!

The problem is that it's really, really difficult to not feel like I'm in the depths of despair lately. Darn it.

Happy Anniversary!

Shawna and I forgot our roommate-iversary. We're so lame. (Oddly enough, today is the year anniversary of when I started my new job!)

Here are the things we enjoy about our life together:
1. Buying f-oreos (fake Oreos) and eating them with milk. The fake ones absorb the milk better!
2. Hugging each other as hard as we can to see if it freaks our neighbor out.
3. High-fiving each other twice.
4. Watching glorious television such as "Veronica Mars" and "Buffy"
5. Waxing our lips. But not our nether regions. Lesson learned.
6. Late night conversations and dance parties.
7. Collection unicorns.
8. Dressing up in costume for nights on the town... or any reason, really.
9. Discovering the karaoke channel.
10. Watching "How I Met Your Mother" and fantasizing about Neil Patrick Harris, who is clearly going to become straight and will want to be our boyfriend immediately.
11. Fascinations with things such as polygamy. "Big Love" anyone?
12. Not caring that the world thinks that we are most likely lesbians, when really we just plan to be like the "Golden Girls" and eat cheesecake. If we were really married, don't you think we would have registered for a magic bullet by now?
13. Farting. You know you're very good friends when you get to a point that you can do that in front of each other (but not ON each other, which Shawna fails to recognize at times).
14. Crafting a home that resembles a carnival... It's like living a life of magic.
15. Road trips!
16. Costco, and all the lovely things it brings us, like giant bags of spinach, frozen burritos, and giant bottles of champagne.
17. 44 ounces of soda from Sonic. Hello, happy hour.
18. Payday sushi. Yes, we have a date night, every payday, where we eat sushi.
19. Being awesome.

Now, a photographic tour of our lives together...

October goals!

I kind of forgot it was a new month... I had these goals in September:

1. Run. Just run. When I want to, where I want to, at my pace. Get back to being the person that I was before, who would run for stress relief and didn't care what other people thought about her pace or ability.

Yeah, that needs work. I'm trying!

2. Financial plan--get one. People in their late 20's should be more financially responsible than I am.

Still working on that one too.

3. Get healthy. I don't care how much I weigh, I just don't feel right at the moment. Eat better, drink water, limit post-breakup cocktails.

The problem is that I really, REALLY like post-breakup cocktails. Again, a work in progress.

4. Brush my hair at least once a week. The curly look is okay, but I feel like I should look more professional and less like I'm an airhead who doesn't own a hairbrush.

I got a haircut, does that count?

5. Do not cry on my birthday. Repeat: Do. Not. Cry. I am not really having an easy time, and I cry a lot, and I just feel like that's a day that I should not be sad.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! One out of five, I guess? Let's try those again for October, but I'll change number 5 to "Must drink more water." Hydration is important.

9 weeks

Little things make me feel a twinge lately. A little glimmer of heartache creeps into my every thought, a little pang of worry is always there, and a tiny piece of me was frozen forever in a time when I didn't have to feel this way.

It's hearing that others have reached a milestone that I could have been at. It's wondering what I could have done differently. It's wondering if I'll ever get a chance to do things the right way. It's seeing people I care about going through major life events and wondering if it will ever be me. Or if I'm being punished. Or what I did to deserve the things that have been happening to me.

I can't explain how I feel to anyone. Once upon a time, I used to be a writer, and I can't even write about this... So this is my attempt to let some of it out, to put it into words and see if it helps.

In the past two years, I have had a lot of major events happen. I left my career, and I thought I would never recover from the fear that caused me to flee. Still, I made it, and I found a new career, but the memory is still there. I still think about those terrifying minutes that changed my life when I'm doing something so innocent as watching a scary movie with Shawna. I still have nightmares sometimes. I think I have bounced back, but I still hold something from that time period inside of me and always will.

This year, I found myself without the person I thought would love me forever. Even worse, I lost something I didn't know I had, and I don't really know how I should let that affect me. Everyone goes through breakups, sure, but this summer was about so much more than just a breakup. Instead of holding memories inside of me, I feel like a part of me is gone now. A few moments made me lose a tiny piece of my heart--it's like it was patched together to begin with, probably with duct tape, and now a little corner has crumbled off. What happened before wasn't anything I had a choice in, but this feels like it's my fault. If I could have done something differently, he wouldn't have left. If I had been more careful, I wouldn't be going through the things I am going through right now.

I've been told that I don't deserve the things that are happening to me lately, but part of me thinks that I do. That if I were more caring, more compassionate, more something... Perhaps people think I should be moving on and in a different place in life already, but I can't tell people the parts of the story that might explain why I'm stuck. Why there is a tiny piece of me missing forever.

The way that I am feeling lately is about so much more than just losing a boyfriend. It's about a type of loss I had never felt before, and being completely broken, and letting something affect my spirit so much that sometimes I'm not sure that I know how to fight my way back. It's difficult, trying to be a woman, especially when most of the time I still feel like a girl. But now I have those little pinpricks of emotion to remind me that a singular event aged me in ways I cannot explain. My shoulders droop a little more, my eyes are a tiny bit bluer after crying for hours, and forever there will be this thing that makes me remember what could have been. This summer was a season that changed me in ways that I can't take back.

I guess there will always be a twinge.