Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Roller derby = sore butt



Last summer I went to a roller derby match, drank a beer, and said, "Wow, that is a fabulous idea! I should try out!"

Many things are a good idea after I drink beer. This does not mean I should pursue them.

I was approached with the opportunity to write a story about trying out for the roller derby for a local paper. Clearly, I agreed, as I am awesome. That's how I found myself strapping on skates last night (and putting my helmet on backwards, which the coach told me was "so cute"). I wore my marathon shirt, in an effort to look hardcore and like I should be besties with Carrie Underwood (we have the same shirt, in case you missed that or I haven't mentioned it 20 times).



Turns out that I am not meant to be on wheels. I mean, seriously. I fall down a lot. Remember the ditch incident, which led to me attending a wedding covered in Hello Kitty band-aids? A treadmill face plant anyone? What possesses me to decide I can put on roller skates and NOT hurt myself?

I crashed and burned. Many, many times. To the point where I couldn't even skate on the track with the rest of the skaters, I had to skate in my own little world on the concrete where I couldn't trip anyone with my nearly dead body lying across the track. Hilarity ensued. Also, I got to second base with the coach in attempt to grab onto anything possible to break my fall. Oops.

My pal Anne went with me, and was immediately awesome at roller derby. Last week she also went on a run with me after having not run since high school, and ran over 3 miles without difficulty. I feel like she is obviously an alien. Also, a roller derby ringer. I was kind of having gym class flashbacks a couple times, cause I was the black sheep of the roller derby group.

Today my butt is bruised, and I'm also sore from doing ridiculous things like crunches and push ups while wearing roller skates. Those girls do not mess around. But I survived, and I didn't even have to utilize my kickass health insurance!

I actually was really upset about this last night (I had also had a really shitty day, so that probably made me both crazy and emotional) and started crying because I was so embarrassed about being a roller derby failure. Luckily, I didn't do this until I was in the car, or the other roller derby girls would have realized I'm not at all hardcore, even though I have an awesome shirt.

So, I can't be good at everything. But at least I can be mediocre at some things. And I'm really, really good at falling down.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are also really really good at losing weight! Look at you...you rock! Don't let derby get you down...it's a tough sport filled with kickass women who have a thing for putting themselves and their bodies through hell while laughing the whole damn time...believe me I know
Stella Rockin'
L.A. Derby Dolls

Anonymous said...

Pardon me if I'm being rude, but how much work did you put into it before trying out? Most of the women I know puts in months of work on skating, endurance, and agility before tryouts. It's not something to do on a lark for a local paper before it makes good copy; and frankly, it's not fair for the existing players and those trying out if you only go half-assed by not working ahead of time. And if you did do that, I apologize in advance (although you should have noted that, too - since derby is not something that can be done on short-notice, movies notwithstanding).

Nike Athena said...

Wow, I guess roller derby girls are crazy serious about their roller skates. Frankly, I'm quite proud of you for making a go of it and being able to laugh at the situation. You're still kick ass in my book, even if wheels make you fall.

Monica Joy said...

In my super duper opinionated (and often times bitchy--but only when provoked) opinion, I think this was an awesome idea for a feature story. The roller derby has become this new phenomenon as of late. It was big long ago, and then it kinda fizzled. I, myself, have even thought it would be awesome to be on a team. It would be great exercise and it would be fun and it would be exciting, etc. I don't think this is "not something to do on a lark." I think this is something many girls and women have thought about after seeing the huge amazing movie Whip It. I think it is fair to those of us who are curious to have a brave local reporter go and see what it's all about. Before reading this blog, I had no idea they had to do pushups and crunches with skates on. Now I've got access to an insider's view. So to anybody who wants to be judgmental and rude, just back off. Those of us who weren't born hard core are curious about the more manly side of things, and thankfully we have somebody who isn't afraid to find the answers. Leslie, you're my hero.