Adventures of a pedicure: how I got felt up by a stranger

I had the brilliant idea to schedule cheap pedicures for Shawna and myself yesterday. Rather than a relaxing, fun way to spend an evening it turned into a moderately hilarious adventure that left me feeling dirty.

It would appear there is a reason for a cheap pedicure to be so cheap. Sadly, we had to sit in chairs that were way far apart from each other, so there was no chatter to be had. They gave us wine, and as I had my feet in the tub and was waiting for someone to get to me I noticed one of the men smiling creepily at me from across the room. That was when it got a little weird.

I was perfectly happy, reading Cosmo and gaining dating advice (apparently I should do things like get three different guys to ask for my number in one night. Hello, slutty advice). Next thing I knew, Creepy Asian Pedicurist Man (CAPM for short) came over and got to work. I thought things were a little bizarre when he started asking me personal questions: "Do you have a boyfriend?" "I don't believe you, what's your boyfriend's name?" "Do you live alone?" "Where do you live?" "Do you know how to cook?" Yeah. That was Awkward with a capital A but nothing too strange. I made a mental note to tell Shawna about it and continued to read Cosmo whereupon I learned valuable information about crazy things girls do that chase men away (I say men should suck it up and deal).

I have this callus on my toe that's been built up from running so much, and the man started picking at it. Before I knew what he was doing, he cut the thing off and put my foot back in the tub. Burning ensued. That's right, he chopped off a chunk of my toe and now I probably have hepatitis. Super.

CAPM took it upon himself to massage my legs, and that's when things got a little too... friendly. He didn't just massage my lower calf like most pedicurists. Oh no, this guy went for the full on massage--he was above the knee at several points. As I sat there wondering to myself if this was normal behavior, I moved my skirt a little so he wouldn't get lotion on it. Soon Shawna was done and pulled up a chair across from me (finally we could chat!) and in a few moments I got a text message: "Shhh, I can see up your skirt!" Shawna is a good pal and luckily informed me that CAPM could see my inner thigh.

Upon leaving I learned that Shawna was not massaged in such a fashion, thus making it clearly abnormal. Also, she had a guy who removed calluses and then showed them to her. Weirdo.

All in one night I got felt up, flashed a stranger, and lost a chunk of toe. That's a full evening right there.