Bah humbug.

You know the episode of Gilmore Girls where Lorelai is super excited because it starts to snow, and then the next morning she has a series of unfortunate events that make her hate the snow? It’s while she’s dating Luke, I think, in one of the later seasons. What, you mean not everyone loves to watch reruns of Gilmore Girls? You’re all missing out. Anyway, I’m totally right there with Lorelai in aspects other than my exceptional love for coffee and ability to speak very quickly and often.

I grew up in Eastern Oregon, where snow and cattle ranches are both prevalent, and dealt with wintery conditions for six months out of the year. That’s only a slight exaggeration. I hated the snow with undying passion by the time I moved to Central Oregon, which is a lovely place filled with sunshine and warm weather and not nearly as much snow. In the 2.5 years I’ve lived here, I can remember it snowing once before this week. Of course, go 45 minutes south and the snow is much more abundant…and that’s just the type of distance I like to keep from snow.

This year when the weather man started predicting snow, I was surprised to find myself excited. Way back in the day I also lived in Western Oregon (I’ve basically called every part of this lovely state home at one point in my life) where it rains but rarely snows, and a snow day was a magical gift that we received maybe once a year. Snow was definitely exciting then. When it started to snow I found myself looking out the window and thinking of how pretty snow made everything—so magical and fluffy and sparkly, and just in time for Christmas!

Screw that. Snow sucks. It sucks a lot. I hate snow with undying passion and now I remember why: it makes people drive like morons, it’s f-ing cold, it causes me to have to heat up my car for approximately a year, and the dog goes outside and rolls around in it and promptly tries to jump on me cause she finds it exciting and doesn’t realize how f-ing cold and ridiculous it is. Now I have to wear twelve million layers for warmth, and my feet always seem slightly damp. The heaters in my house can’t keep up with the below zero temperatures, and the weather prevents me from any outdoor running which makes me cranky (though I have to keep in mind that my last outdoor run was last Saturday, so a mere three days without running certainly won’t kill me). Once the temperature gets back to double digits I might be more forgiving, but when it is –10 I tend to get cranky.

I read an article online about people running outdoors at temperatures like –40. I would really like to know what on earth is wrong with them, as I refuse to step a running shoe clad foot outside if it gets below 11 degrees or so. Speaking of the elements preventing me from my chosen favorite method of exercise, my DVD player broke with the 30 Day Shred DVD inside. I can’t seem to get it to play and/or open so I can get the DVD out. That’s one problem I plan to solve. The –10 temperature is beyond my control, unfortunately. I’m quite glad for things like my elliptical and variety of exercise DVDs, as I’m pretty sure no exercise at all is a bad idea.

I’m trying to be in the Christmas spirit and be all merry and spreading holiday cheer and shit, but it’s hard to do when I’m pretty sure I’m going to lose a toe due to hypothermia just from sitting by the drafty door in my office. I think I should probably move to Arizona or Florida or the equator or something.

Today I’m trying to combat my cold-weather crankiness with Christmas joy in the form of Kristin Chenoweth’s holiday album. I love her, pretty much. And I hope to regain my holiday cheer before the Christmas season is gone completely--cause holy crap, it is December 16 already, and how the hell did that happen? I’ll let you know if it works…