Things people say

People will talk… and sometimes the things that they say kind of suck.

Oddly enough I’m noticing that one of the hardest things about losing 70+ pounds is dealing with what people say to me. Exercise and healthy eating have become a way of life, and I enjoy both of them, so that aspect is no longer difficult. But things people say? Sometimes that’s very tricky.

There are the people in my work environment who make comments that are phrased so oddly that I can’t decide if they are complimenting me or not. Or the people who feel it is appropriate to tell me what they think I should weigh. I’ve been asked if I developed an eating disorder. I’ve been told not to lose any more weight or I would be too skinny. I’ve been told how much better I am now compared to my former self. People I haven’t seen in awhile have stared me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. I’ve heard friends describe their own weight gain with adjectives that always leave me wondering what they thought of me 70 pounds ago.

It’s tricky.

Of course, I’ve also heard compliments. Just yesterday I received the best compliment yet: a woman who works in an office near mine came up to me (in a public meeting) and said quietly, “I didn’t want to just yell this out in front of everyone, but I can tell you’ve lost a lot of weight and I just wanted to say that I think you’re doing a great job and you look awesome. I know encouragement can really help.” Talk about a compliment that I appreciated. It is nice to hear sometimes that people notice my weight loss, and even better when they mention it to me privately without making a huge deal. I’ve been in situations where someone yelled it out in front of a crowd of people, and it was exceptionally awkward for me.

The problem is that deep down inside there will always be a little part of me that wonders what all of these people will think (or say) if I gain the weight back. I certainly don’t plan to gain the weight back, but I also never planned to be morbidly obese in my early 20s either. Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned. All of a sudden my body is fair game for a topic of discussion, and all I did was change how it looks.

These things that people say stick with me. The years and years of insults are still fresh in my mind, and the comments from friends who don’t realize what they are saying still sting. People refer to other overweight people in a derogatory way while speaking to me and I still feel like they are slapping me in the face. I used to be fatter than that person, does that mean they said those things about me? Or do people love me more now that I’m not as fat? It’s sad that I would even have to think something like that. I don’t want to let people’s comments affect me so much. It’s my body, and if you ask me I should be able to do what I want with it.

So sometimes people will say things. I just have to learn not to listen.