Oops. Also, damn.
Turns out I've gained 20 pounds in the past year, which is entirely unfortunate. Granted, I had a hell of a year, with lots of changes--but I also ran a marathon, so that's cool. I never really intended to gain weight back, but then, who does? It's not that I'm unhappy with myself, it's more that I would really like to wear the closet full of pants that I own, and not buy new ones.
Currently size 12 fits. I'm cool with this, and I do not think a size 12 is a bad thing. Nor will I let anyone convince me that size 12 is fat, or that I should be smaller. I can still run, I can still be awesome, and I am still healthy. I just felt much more comfortable at a size 10. And I have really cute size 10 pants, and I would like for them to fit, please.
It's weird to me that I sometimes feel fat and later reflect upon that weight and realize that when I thought that, I was not at all fat. Several years ago I weighed 220 pounds and dreamed of being a size 12. As such, I like to keep things in perspective. Size 12 = good. Size 10 = able to wear pants, and still good.
I have no idea how I've gained 20 pounds... I thought I would notice after 10, and I did, but I still gained 10 more. Am I just supposed to be this weight? Am I just destined to be this size unless I'm doing ridiculous things like training for a marathon? I still think I'm awesome, regardless. My family still loves me. I seem to have found a man who likes me even if I have gotten a little softer in the middle, which is a bonus. Still, I feel like I can be a little more hardcore. And I'm too cheap to buy new pants
Thus, my mission: to make my pants fit.
Here are random pictures for your amusement, from my birthday. My pants fit at that point:
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