Awesome idea.

So I have till December 9 at a super cheap rate at the current gym as part of the trial period... And I had a thought. Why not shop around? A free five day trial here, a free week there... I could hit all the gyms in this town and have winter be over and be able to run outside again. BOO YAH! So thrifty.

Shawna got out of her assessment cause the trainer was sick. As such, she is not currently bruised and bleeding. I was not so lucky... My legs turned black and blue (sexy) and I'm a little scared of the treadmill now.

Did I mention I've gained 10 post-marathon-moving-in-with-Shawna-drinking-beer-eating-pie pounds? Actually it's only 5, as 5 were just cause of my period, but STILL. Beer = good. Offsetting with the treadmill = even better.

Lesson learned...

Blood, sweat, and treadmills.

Tonight I met the male reincarnation of Jillian Michaels. As a result, I am bleeding, bruised, and very well may vomit.

Shawna and I took the plunge, you see, and started on a trial membership at a gym for a month to see if we like it before joining. When you join this particular gym they make you do an assessment whereupon you have a free session with a trainer and they tell you how much you suck. I had my assessment today at 9 p.m. It turns out no one works out at 9 p.m. on a Thursday, which is one thing I had going for me tonight.

The trainer first began asking me about my fitness goals and game plan, etc. My first mistake was wearing my marathon pink-skull t-shirt (Shawna told me to, cause it makes me look hard core). My second mistake was telling him I've lost over 70 pounds and just ran a marathon. Clearly, he had the wrong impression of me after those statements. Hardcore, maybe, but athletic and coordinated? Hardly.

He asked if I was warmed up, and I said no--off to the treadmill we went. He told me to stand on the sides and set the treadmill to a 7.0 mph speed. That's an 8:34 mile. I do not run a mile in 8:34. It went something like this:

Trainer: Okay, jump on.
Me: Um. I'm really slow, just so you know, and not used to treadmills.
Trainer: Oh, you'll be fine, just go for it.
Me: THUMP.

Yes, I face planted. Hard. On I jumped, and back went my feet. I caught myself with my knees and my elbows, which are now bruised and bloody. Of course, that wasn't enough, as then the trainer decided to save me by grabbing the back of my pants and sports bra and lifting me into mid-air. There I was, flying through the air by my clothing, as my pants slid down and I was left thinking, "Oh lord, they're going to see my vagina."

Trainer Man apologized profusely. In my attempts to seem hardcore, I said, "Oh, no worries, but I might bleed on your treadmill."

It didn't end there--I went through his whole, hardcore workout. Think lots of lifting, sweating, grunting, and bleeding through my open treadmill wounds. And he made me jump on one of those little platform things. I see people doing it on The Biggest Loser all the time, and think it looks easy--those bitches are less than easy! Finally, I finished, and he told me he was impressed because I'm hardcore. I ran home and told Shawna all about it, and she claims that she is going to refuse to go on Monday to her assessment. Then we ran to the neighbor's house to tell her about it.

Did I mention I face planted?

Dolly Parton is on Leno right now, and I have to ice my legs. Good night.

So.

I kind of fail at resolutions. Blog regularly? Not so much.

Good news--Shawna and I have actually joined a gym, on a trial basis at the moment to see if we like it, and tonight is the inaugural visit.

That is, if she ever comes home to go with me. Avoidance, maybe?

My new job is awesome, but makes my brain hurt, and I very much need a nap.

What's up, blogging? That's all for today.

November resolutions, biotch.

Tonight we discovered that Shawna is the alpha female in our apartment. When we began our roommate adventures, our theory was that I would make Shawna healthier by influencing in our ways. Instead, there has been beer. And cupcakes. And Wednesday night fast food night.

As such, we have decided that I should turn that around and impose my healthy ways on her.

For November, our goals include:

1. Join a cheap (very, very cheap, but hopefully not ghetto fabulous like last winter) gym in order to minimize our beer bellies. We can't give up beer, but we can try to offset it.

2. Shawna: "Take up smoking! (giggle giggle) It's very Parisian." Not a goal. Our goal is to continue not smoking, as smoking is gross and makes me want to die.

3. Eat vegetables. Many vegetables. Less bacon, more spinach. (Shawna just said to put less bacon, more chocolate. NO, no I will not)

4. Replace Wednesday night fast food night with Wednesday night SALAD NIGHT!!!! WOOOOO! (Shawna: "This is ridiculous.") This does include fast food salads. And BLT's, cause BLT's are awesome. (Shawna: "With LIGHT ranch dressing!")

5. Ride our damn bikes at least once before it snows. Those things have been chained to our stoop all month.

6. Blog every other day, at least, as we suck at blogging lately.

7. Enjoy a 10-day long bikram yoga fest, while I wear shiny, silver spandex pants for no reason at all.

8. Read "Julie & Julia" as we've both checked it out twice from the library with little results.

9. Drink water. Lots of water. Hydration is key.

10. Stay awake for the entire showing of "New Moon" at 12:07 on opening night (dressed up, of course, cause we're cool and mature). Caffeine is our friend.

I quit (kind of)

I canceled my gym membership yesterday. I tried to stick it out, really I did, mainly because of the lovely reader who gave me great advice and told me that eventually I wouldn’t hate the gym…I believe her, but I think in this instance it wouldn’t have happened. I lasted for a month, and for now I’m done.

A variety of things led to this decision—mainly the fact that it was super crowded in the early evening when I workout, and I really hated either having to wait for equipment or having people stand and stare at me as they waited for the equipment I was using. I would have switched and done my workout in the morning except this gym is only open from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. (weird) and that doesn’t really work with my schedule. Also, I found the entire environment to be uncomfortable and it was making me dread exercising, and that’s unlike me. I figured it would be better to save the money I was spending on a gym membership rather than spend it on something I wasn’t even enjoying. I’d join a different gym if there were another in town that wasn’t crazy expensive. Let’s not forget that I live in the middle of nowhere.

But do not fear: I am totally going to be a rockstar in my house! I do have my elliptical and have discovered a route through town that has streetlights along 98 percent of the roads so I can still run in the evenings. And let’s not forget weekends and the occasional days when I am home before dark. Really, the more I think about this the more I’m just determined to make it work until spring.

I have also discovered exercise opportunities at work that I didn’t know existed. For instance, today the coworker and I are going to a weight lifting class that we tried out last week during the lunch hour. It’s a free class, like the yoga class, that they have on Tuesdays and Fridays. Rock on! I think it’s called Body Flex or something like that. Anyhow, I’m finding that I’m much happier figuring out alternatives to the gym than I actually was about going to the gym. So for now, that’s my solution.

And yes, yes I did buy Britney Spears’ new album this morning. I can’t lie.

I hate the gym.

And I think it hates me right back. I have a few questions for those of you who regularly inhabit gyms:

1. Are people always so unfriendly? I mean, I don't expect anyone to tell me their hopes and dreams or anything, but would it kill them to smile and say hi back to me? As I told my sister, "No one at the gym wants to be my friend!"

2. Should the treadmill give me motion sickness? It isn't so much when I'm running on it, but after I get off it makes me dizzy and gives me the horrible nausea that usually accompanies motion sickness. I would like for that to stop, please, because it is making me dislike running. Luckily it goes away after awhile or I'd probably just give up.

3. Do all body builders grunt strangely and proceed to stare at you when you're on the cardio equipment? Cause seriously... that's awkward. And furthermore, why are they acting like they are hardcore body builders when they live in the middle of nowhere? Is there really that little for them to do here?

4. Are people always so possessive about their cardio machine? Today an old man came in and asked me how long I'd be on the elliptical. I replied, "Only 2:37 more!" and he proceeded to stand there... and watch me. It was a very long 2:37.

5. Should the weight equipment be easy to figure out? Cause often I look at it and am lost as to what a machine actually does. It just looks like a big hunk of metal.

6. Do I need to mention the creepy old man from the other day? Please tell me that's not normal. I've been running on the treadmill without the magic yoga pants (gasp) just in case he shows up again. I don't want my booty to be easily visible and defined for him to look at. TMI?

Will I stop hating the gym as time goes on? Cause right now I can't wait for spring to arrive so I can go back to running outside. It's so much more interesting to see cows frolicking in a field rather than a television or a wall when I'm running. Nothing frolics in the gym--not even the grunting body builders.

Gross.

This would be part of why I am afraid of gyms:

I didn't work today so I ventured to the gym much earlier in the day than usual. As I'm running along on the treadmill I notice that a creepy old man (with a walker, no less) was standing behind me... WATCHING me. He was just standing there staring at my ass! Who does that?

I didn't know what to do. As a result, I just kept running and he eventually left.

Oh, it gets better. Next a woman came in with her teenage son and he took up residence at a table... right behind me. I don't know if he was staring at me or not, but I was already paranoid from the old man. I still kept running though.

Creeeeeeepy. Luckily this isn't a problem when I'm there in the evenings.

I'm still afraid of the weight equipment. How do you figure out how that stuff works? Also, I'm saving the 30 Day Shred for awhile as I wanted to keep going on the 100 Pushup Challenge (only two weeks left). I like to finish what I start.

And now I'm going to relax in the comfort of my own home where no one stares at my ass.