Frosting.

So, yeah. Things have been happening. I didn't think it was possible to be hurting more than I already was, but then some stuff happened, and I said to myself, "Self, your life is ridiculous sometimes."

I'll handle it. I'm pretty good at handling ridiculousness.

Anyway, that leads to my lack of posting lately. I started taking yoga at this place near my house, and discovered that I am hilarious when attempting to bend in ways that my body does not want to bend. The instructor doesn't seem to find it as funny, but I like her because she constantly makes me try different poses even when I'm scared. I'm doing a trial membership right now, and plan to take advantage of trial memberships all over town to see which yoga studio I like best. I think it might be a good thing to pursue when it's cold and snowing outside.

I ran a local 5K, and while it wasn't my best time ever, it also wasn't my worst. I was proud of myself because I sprinted the last little bit and passed a couple people. I did the best that I could, and that makes me happy.

Hood to Coast = ridiculous. If only I felt like publicizing to the Internet the goings on of my life, you would probably all say to me that I'm silly for running Hood to Coast when I had so much going on, but it was a really good distraction. I spent two days locked in a van (with some close friends, but also some strangers). I ran 17 miles in less than 24 hours. I slept in a field because that's what people do... It was an odd 197 miles. Kind of like what I imagine Woodstock was like, but with a bunch of crazy runners instead of drugs, nudity, and music. So really not like Woodstock at all.

My favorite leg was the middle leg. The first one was hot, flat, and boring for 6 miles. The last leg was hot, hilly, and sucked cause I was exhausted and was ready to be done. The middle leg was 7 miles, and I ran them at 3 a.m. through the middle of a pitch black forest. Particularly creepy because all that I had was a head lamp, reflective vest, and flashy lights on either side and at times I was the only person on the road and no vans were passing by. I also tripped in a pothole, nearly fell off the road into the ditch, and was very close to being hit by a car which I suspect was being driven by a drunk driver. Luckily I am excellent at regaining my balance due to my habit of falling down a lot. Also, a handsome man grabbed me out of the way of the drunk driver (if you're reading this, cute guy that runs faster than me, you should call me. We could go out to dinner and not get hit by cars together. Sounds magical, right?) and I did not die.

Some photo goodness:





Hood to Coast people have this habit of calling people "roadkill" when they pass them, and keeping track of their "roadkill count" and let me just tell you... I was roadkill a lot. Those Hood to Coast people don't mess around. We're talking 7 minute miles. On my middle of the night leg, there was a clearing where people were gathered to cheer on their teams, and when I arrived at that point the teams started chanting, "Kill her! Kill her!" as the girl behind me was trying to pass me. I totally hauled ass and avoided her... until we got past the clearing and no one could see us. Holy hell, she was fast.

So, yes, I did not die. Also, recently Shawna and I went on a road trip to Tour de Fat in Boise and I went out in public looking like this:



Luckily it was a drunken bicycle parade, so people didn't really care. And yes, I rode a bicycle wearing that. What?

For some reason, when I am as down as I have been the past couple days, baking makes me feel better. So yesterday I made gingerbread cupcakes with buttercream frosting and tiny gingerbread men on top. I didn't really want to eat them, I just wanted to make something. And frosting makes me happy, in all it's fluffy glory.

I'm pretty convinced that all of life's problems can be solved with frosting.

Suck.

I fail. I am so not handling this well. I have eye bags bigger than my eyes cause I cry all the time, sometimes in secret so people won't judge me for crying so much.

Tomorrow I'm running a 5k, and it will probably be my slowest 5k ever, but I figure at least it will be a good distraction, right?

Details to follow.

One Month Later

So, a month ago today, I had my heart broken.

I really thought I would be feeling much better at this point. When does that get to happen?

Last night, in attempt to keep my mind off things, I went to a 75 minute power yoga class wherein I accomplished the crow pose for the first time. I followed that up with running for over an hour. It didn't really keep my mind off things, but at least I wasn't on the couch, right?

A girl can only listen to so much Kelly Clarkson. Seriously though, that woman knows what she's talking about.

It sucks that I believed things that turned out not to be true. It really sucks that I let someone have my whole heart and they decided to toss me aside. I know that everyone else has been in this same spot, but it doesn't make me feel any better right now, when I can't stop crying randomly because the guy I thought I would spend my life with hurt me this much. Everyone keeps telling me I deserve better, and that I'll find a guy who will appreciate how awesome I am, but right now I don't believe that.

I'm trying to be myself again, but it's proving to be more difficult than I thought. I feel like everyone expects me to be happy-go-lucky and cracking jokes and being a smart ass like normal, but I just don't feel like myself since this happened. It really came out of the blue for me, and it hit me hard.

At least I still have my running shoes. And Kelly Clarkson.

Random Thursday Thoughts

I just feel a need to say that I love when I get anonymous comments where people tell me I'm funny and like they my blog. It's way better than mean anonymous comments. Whoever you are, anonymous nice person, you rock! Quite frequently I think no one reads this blog (except Becky... and my sisters) and that I'm the only one that finds myself hilarious. So I'm glad that at least one other person thinks I'm moderately entertaining.

I am going camping this weekend, for several days, with a bunch of girls that grew up together and let me come to their reunions cause they adopted me. The lake we are going to was very recently under a toxic algae warning, but that has been lifted--hurray! Still not putting my face under water though. Toxic algae just seems like something that doesn't go away that easily.

Last night I was telling my neighbor ghost stories from my old apartment building, and I scared myself.

On August 19 I am running a 5k, mostly just cause it seemed like a good idea and it involves beer. What good race doesn't involve beer?

I still need a hug, kind of.

Goals for upcoming weeks

1. Run a 5k in approximately 2 weeks, after convincing my running buddy to join me. For funsies.

2. Run Hood to Coast on August 27 & August 28. 19 miles in 2 days. Do not die while completing said goal, and try not to run 15 minute miles due to lung failure.

3. Bounce back. I don't like being in the depths of despair.

4. Purchase a kickass running skirt. Again, for funsies.

5. Kick butt during the last two months of the Biggest Loser contest with Shawna & co.

6. Feel like myself again.

This is normal in my household.

Right now I'm sitting here, watching The Bachelorette, wearing Shawna's green tutu, a silky paisley robe, and holding a plastic sword.

Shawna is cleaning her room, in other words, and I found accessories.

This show is bumming me out a little, cause of all the damn happy and in-love bullcrap.

I spent last weekend at my adopted family's reunion, which was great, and drank beer and camped in a back yard. My best pal took good care of me and held my phone hostage so I wouldn't be too stupid, and let me climb trees. Actually, she let me climb HER so that I could get into the tree to climb it.

I also didn't cry (except for a little) and also hung out with my sister who sang Dixie Chicks songs at the top of her lungs with me in the car, walked on the beach with me, and fed me fro-yo.

Have I mentioned I'm not handling this well?

It's starting...

My aunt just sent me a message on Facebook suggesting I join an online dating site. Apparently her daughter has had a few dates on this very site, and she thinks it would be helpful in my situation.

I've been single for a week.

I am going for a run now.

Ugh.

Tonight I had a giant bowl of ice cream for dinner, and watched a Lifetime movie with Jennifer Love Hewitt as the star.

I'm not proud.

I realize that I'm wallowing, and by wallowing I am letting him win. Sometimes though, wallowing just feels like what needs to happen.

I have a feeling that this one is going to lead to a lot of miles being put on my running shoes. Just as soon as I'm done wallowing.

Things that have cheered me up lately...

1. My coworker (and source of great advice/lots of listening), running down the hallway to my office, yelling, "LESLIE I HAVE THE SOLUTION!" and dragging me to the break room... where someone had left cheesecake for everyone. She proceeded to do a little "happy, cheesecake dance" and then run to find forks. Later she suddenly appeared in my doorway, and said with a look of great thoughtfullness, "So this situation is even more like Ali from The Bachelorette than we originally thought..." before wandering away without waiting for a response.

2. Having friends like Shawna who will know exactly what you need. While I was crying on the couch, she was taking photos out of frames in my bedroom, hiding them from me, buying me Kleenex at 7-11, threatening to hack into my facebook and delete a certain boy, and convincing me that a martini at 11:30 is a great idea. Also, she immediately hates anyone who is mean to me. Also, she gives me alcohol and chocolate, and doesn't hate me yet for crying so much and being no fun to hang out with. And when I forget to eat dinner, she offers to make me chicken salad, buys me ice cream, and lets me take some of her Tylenol PM when I can't sleep.

3. The fact that it is summer, so I have river floating, lots of running, and bbq's to distract me from the fact that I feel like I've been stomped on. Even more hilarious is river floating with Shawna, who runs into rocks and screams, "IT'S A DEAD BODY!!!!"

4. My heterosexual life mate Chelse, who has been in this spot before herself, and lets me call her at whatever time of day I need and cry for hours on the phone. I'm just glad we get to call each other for free, cause last time one of us was in this position we had $400 phone bills (oops). She always tends to know exactly how I feel, even when I'm lying to myself and trying to act bright and cheery and like I'm okay. Also, she doesn't lie to me, and instead says, "Yeah, this will suck. And yeah, you're not handling it well right now." She says it will get better, and I tend to believe her.

5. Blog readers offering to mail me beer. Becky, if that is legal, I would love you forever!

6. All my friends/family who have taken this opportunity to tell me how awesome I am, that I deserve better, take me out to dinner, buy me a drink, and offer to marry me/date me/kick boys in the face. It's good to know that people have my back.

7. Although I am not dealing with this well at all (I'll admit it) my lack of focus has led to hilarious moments like the following:
Client: *Asks question in English*
Me: *Answers question in great detail, in Spanish*
Client: *Looks at me in utter confusion... since they don't speak Spanish*
Me: "Oh, shit."
Someday I'll regain my brain again, right? And my professionalism?

I know things will get better, but they sure suck right now. Where is the fast forward button?

*Insert Golden Girls Theme Song Here*

So, I got dumped.

It was the kind of breakup that led to my gal pals buying me a martini at 11:30 at night while I was in my sweatpants with my hair in a mess cause I had been on my way to bed and got the phone call.

Strangely, it was this very time last summer that I was dealing with a prior breakup. And it broke me. Badly.

I don't want to be broken anymore. Maybe I will just run off my emotions?

I also ran over 7 miles yesterday, and didn't die. So at least my lungs are cooperating when someone breaks my heart.

This sucks.